Progress Report: I'm Learning

How am I? I get that question a lot and I appreciate it each time. I know it means people care about me. I am just never quite sure how to respond. Mostly I'm adjusting. I'm learning to take blood sugar levels twice a day. I'm learning to shoot up insulin twice a day. I'm learning what to eat and not eat. I'm learning that antiseizure meds make me cranky. I'm learning that if I don't take a nap once a day, I fall apart by bedtime. I'm learning that I am WAY colder than I ever was before so I keep adding layers. I'm learning that adjusting your blood sugar levels messes up your vision and trying to do my job when you can't SEE is challenging enough to make me more than a little feisty. 

Of course, I'm also learning that my family and friends are wonderful people. I have gotten a dozen get well cards in the mail and even a few packages. My daughter checks in on me every 15 seconds and makes sure I have whatever I need and makes me smile. My sons grab me heat packs and blankets without being asked. This morning I came downstairs to a note from my oldest son about how much I mean to him. .  . cue tears, of course. My husband is incredible . .. spending hours in the kitchen making healthy meals for me, plus rubbing my shoulders, bringing my pillow so I take a nap, and somehow STILL thinking I'm beautiful. 

Bottom line? I feel loved. I feel overwhelmed and tired and frustrated and I am violently angry about the cost of medical care--but I feel loved. For each one of you who has reached out to me, thank you. I return to your messages and cards and letters and posts whenever I need the boost. 

I'm learning. It isn't always fun or easy, but  . . . I'm learning. 

31 Years

31 years ago a hot young doctor pulled up in front of my house in Elkhart, Indiana. He was driving a T-top orange Corvette. He pulled up and parked while I, unbeknownst to him, was watching from inside the house and trying to settle my pounding heart so I wouldn't look as terrified as I felt. He rang the doorbell and I answered it.

It was awkward. Last time I had seen this guy--two years earlier, he was in a white coat and he was my doctor. I didn't know his first name and I thought he was completely and utterly out of my league. I mean this guy was HOT. Not to mention I was involved with someone at the time. (So was he.) Now he was standing at my front door and so handsome I couldn't breathe right.

That was May 31, 1982.
17 days later, we were engaged.
Six months later, we were married.
31 years later I look at his long haired fella who I know better than any other human being on the planet and I want to hug that 1982 me. I want to tell her that times won't always be easy, that disagreements will happen, that life will present us with pain and loss and heartache and sorrow, but through it all, we will get closer. We will laugh and cuddle and shake our heads. He will get pulled over by a cop for missing a crosswalk because he was groping me (just this year). I will get jealous because a woman will move into my "no fly zone" around him and I will have to threaten to shoot her down if she doesn't vacate the space. I will turn to him when I am frightened and he will turn to me when he is overwhelmed.

He will catch me when I have a grand mal seizure and get help.
As I recover, he will take me to my favorite stores and sit patiently.
He will bring me a blanket and refill my water glass. He will tell me I"m beautiful when I couldn't feel less so, and still convince me he believes it.

31 years ago I had NO idea how lucky I was going to be when I invited this handsome doctor into my house. Today I do know and I am so appreciative. Happy anniversary, hon. Let's start on the next 31, ok?

Changes . . . .

Life sure feels different post seizure. Some things are better, some not so much. For example,  I am sleeping better, not running to the bathroom every 30 minutes, and not drinking 20 tumblers of water a day. I am not hungry so have lost four pounds just in the last 5 days. Instead of being warm all the time, I tend to be cold.

On the other hand, I have NO energy. All I want to do is curl up on the couch or go for a ride in the car. (Good gawd, I sound like the family dog. If I start chasing my tail, I'm in trouble.) I don't want to read. I don't want to talk because my tongue hurts. I look at work and am absolutely overwhelmed to the point of tears. I am learning to inject myself twice a day but it ain't fun. The anti-seizure meds give me a stiff neck and headache.

Whine, whine, whine.
I will get back into regular life again soon. Having a tongue without a hole in it will help. :) And I'll get myself some energy somewhere but gosh, I wish me and the dog could trade places for a week or so.

Updating

Hey all. Just a quick update. I'm doing  . . . okay. A LOT to adapt to. Twice daily insulin shots. Trying to eat with a tongue that has a huge hole in it. Taking anti seizure medication that makes me feel slow and stupid. Trying to adjust due dates enough that I can start back to work and not want to just put my head down and cry a while. Taking long afternoon naps like an old lady. No appetite at all. Continuously struck with the love of my friends and the unbelievable support of my family. Wishing I could rewind to last week and then skip over this entirely. Appointment with the neurologist on Thursday to see what the "white blip" on the MRI was. So stay tuned. This old bird ain't done yet.

Well. That wasn't what I had planned.

This will be short because it is hard for me to concentrate right now. Wanted people to know on Thursday afternoon I had a grand mal seizure, complete with chomping on my tongue and losing consciousness. It terrified my poor husband (I was too out of it to know). I missed the arrival of the firetruck and ambulance and the ride to the hospital. I was completely confused when I woke up.

Two days later, I am still far from myself. I am in a lot of pain, both from the seizure and the fall, plus biting my tongue to badly. I  even have the gout back which seems extra unkind. I am home however, and learning to give myself insulin injections and try and figure out what caused the seizure (I vote too much work!). I hurt from head to toe and cannot think clearly. Typing is a slowwww process.

I plan to be back to speed soon. Zipppp, there I go. Send love. Always appreciated.

Sittin' on my A **

Those of you many fans who follow me on Facebook already know that I am struggling with some tailbone pain of unknown cause. I think it's improving. No temperature for a few days and the pain is done from "kill me now" to "would you just STOP?!?!?!".

Perhaps, you may think, this woman shouldn't spend so much time sitting on the injured element. Ha, I say! This is where I pull out my handy dandy list (one of many) and tell you the facts, baby.

In April, I wrote one book, four college courses, 7 online ELA courses, 33 passages and . . get this one . . . .258!!!!!!!! items. So, yeah. sittin' on my a** but not being remotely lazy. Just trying to keep my head above water, in fact.

On another note, of course, today is my youngest's birthday. My "baby" is 17. HOW did that happen? This camera-happy kid who smiled as soon you aimed the lens in his direction (from birth!), this tow headed boy who was always happy and sweet turned into this incredibly handsome, hairy, fashionable, wicked smart young man. He's my favorite geek and one of most precious accomplishments (I have three others I am awfully proud of as well.)

Happy Birthday, Mr Coryn Orr. You got your first job yesterday. You're looking into international travel and the world awaits you. Just remember to come back home now and then. Your Mom kind of adores you.