Tuesday, May 6, 2014

The Toll of Adaptation

I've already written about how the adaptation process is taking a toll on me, but it isn't restricted to me. I am seeing the effects of it ripple through the family.
Joseph is struggling. The job is probably too much for him at age 62. His back and neck hurt all the time, and he is always, always so tired. He doesn't complain much--stoic guy--but I can see it. It makes me so sad.
Coryn hates his  new job and is dealing with the self-esteem blows that can come with having to learn a lot fast and not feeling smart enough, and having co-workers that aren't remotely helpful.
Caspian is intimidated about his upcoming  job training and angsting over remembering it all.
Nicole is putting in 40 plus hours a week and missing time at home so much.
I am spending more and more time home alone, something I certainly don't enjoy.
I am wondering if this is really what any of us should be doing . . . and trying to make logical, reasonable decisions that aren't based on fleeting moments of indecision, fatigue, and confusion. I am torn between wanting everything to go back to how it was and wondering if, in the end, these hard life lessons really are for the best for everyone involved.
Mostly I am tired and sad these days. Too sad. Too many tears. Too much time wishing I could take a nap. Too much toll paying and wondering when--or if--the rewards will follow.
Can I stop being a grown up now? I'd love to take a break.
I'm out of change. No more tolls, ok?