Friday, January 22, 2016

I haven't blogged in FOUR MONTHS? Sheeeesh.

Hanging my head in shame here. I had NO idea it had been that long. My apologies to all 25 of you. :)

Life is good, but this past week, it has definitely been kickin' my ass. My children are all in a state of flux, which is exhausting and frustrating and exciting.

Can I do a four month catch up? Not likely. Let's just say . . . our holidays were wonderful. It was bliss to have the kids here. Coryn made all the food, as he did at Thanksgiving, and it was delicious from start to finish. Incredibly thoughtful gifts were given and received, and gratitude was shared. Extra family time was exceptionally appreciated. Nicole and I even got a couple of craft days squeezed in during the two four day weekends. New Year's, Joseph and I went out to dinner with friends, while Caspian and Nicole went out to dinner together and Coryn headed off to a party. Midnight brought fireworks overhead, the ball dropping on TV, and everyone hugging. Nice way to start off the new year.

Since then, everyone has been in a state of change. Coryn is job searching with little idea of what he really wants. Caspian's seasonal customer rep job ended with Christmas, so he is back to working at the nursing home, but looking for something else. Nicole has given her two week notice at her job and is going on interview after interview to find a job better suited to her talents and preferences. In the meantime, she gave online dating another try and I must say, I do NOT understand how the dating world works today. It's like guys just . . . don't care. They disappear. Stand her up. Go out once and never get in touch again. We find it all exasperating and frustrating, and hurtful. At 25, Nicole is more than ready to fall in love, get married, and be a mom. That is what she wants out of life, even though her generation keeps telling her to wait and not set motherhood as an actual goal in life. Sigh.

My work is fine . . slowly picking up after the lull of the holidays. I made it my 2016 resolution to not work at night or on weekends if at all possible. I use those times to write letters, do mail art, and read. Health issues are . . . .well, let's just say I'm tired of trying to find any more answers. The MRI I had was normal. The spine doctor says all of his changes are holding, so I shouldn't be in pain like I was. Sigh. Okay. Movin' on.

Joseph is good. He turned 64 last week and we all sang "When I'm 64" to him, of course. I asked people to text him and he got more than 40 messages throughout the day. That was really fun. They came from across the U.S. and even from Canada and the U.K.

So that's my update. I really am sorry for the long disappearance. I've been struggling more than usual in recent weeks and haven't felt creative enough to post. But I'll try to be back more often. Thanks for caring, each one of you.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Taking it Slow

Three days ago, I had my gallbladder removed. It was done pretty quickly and efficiently. While the doctor was okay, I felt like I was just a number to him. . . you know, gallbladder #3,845 for the month. Anyway, I'm home now and trying to adjust to this pain. It's more than I had anticipated, honestly, and I have had a few moments of wanting to just sit down and cry for a little bit, but I haven't given in to it. I have two kids with colds, plus a husband who I am sure is tired of playing the role of caregiver this year. He has had to do it far more than his contract stipulates. :) So I try to smile and slurp down another pain pill.  I sit on the couch, even when it gets really, really old to do so. And I read books and write letters and rest. And I try hard to ignore how much this one hurts.

I am sure I've met my pain quota for the year, right?

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Comings and Goings

SO glad I got that hall calendar because this house is never quiet for long.

Caspian is "on call" at the nursing home now, which means his hours are erratic and unexpected. Yesterday he was to work 2 pm to 10 pm and then they asked him to stay for another shift, so he worked 2 pm to 6 am this morning. Needless to say, I am just letting him sleep as much as he needs to now.

Nicole did get that great job in administration. She loves it . . . for the most part. However, the training is very slow and just a few minutes here and there, so she still, three weeks later, hasn't been taught all she needs to know. In between projects she twiddles those thumbs, trying to find ways to look busy and pass the time. It may sound great to get paid to sit and do nothing, but actually, it's boring and makes the days seem pretty long. She also aged us all considerably by being in a car accident . . . she wasn't driving, but the car was hit very hard, and air bags deployed. Although she was all right, she was severely bruised by the seat belt and is still in pain weeks later. That was a phone call I'll always remember.

Coryn got a job at a local glow-in-the-dark miniature golf course and . . . he is pretty bored. His boss is stressed and goes from neutral to pissy in seconds. Thus Coryn is back to reading job ads and hoping for something that might challenge him a bit more than taking money from parents for golf and arcade games. In between working, he is out with friends old and new.

Joseph and I are great. We got away from the city for three days and two nights and went camping. It was an amazing trip in so many ways. We went in the Ghia--a first. It handled the trip wonderfully. We camped 200 feet from the ocean and I was serenaded by the surf the entire time. We ate at exotic restaurants and hit four Goodwills (making packing to come home REALLY tricky. The Ghia is a LITTLE car.) and laughed and talked and napped and read and relaxed. Truly wonderful. I want to do it again SOON. It is good for my emotional, physical, and mental well-being!

Work is good, but slow. I admit, I like that. More time to write letters and read books, but when it comes to paying the bills, things get stressful, so I am hoping assignments pick up a bit. Feast or famine or, as Susan told me, one week it's chicken and the next it's feathers.

Whichever it is, I will make sure to get it on that calendar. (Our camp site and the little Ghia below.)

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

From Full to Stuffed (wonderfully so)

We are all back again, and the house is loud, busy, crazy, chaotic, and lovely. Not everything has been great, of course.

Caspian took an important test that we prepared for over and over. He was ready! And yet, when he got to the test, he struggled and didn't pass. It was a blow for him. He is also struggling like crazy with his job. It is proving more challenging than we had thought. Life just doesn't seem easy for this one of my kids.

Why is that? Why do you have kids that just seem to float through life, usually happy, and others struggle? It's a heartbreaker for parents, for sure. When these kids outgrow the ability for us to fix things with a bandaid, a hug, and maybe a new action figure . . . .

Nicole has been on 7 job interviews. The one she had yesterday looks most promising. She is trying to get out of the food and bev industry and into admin/office, where I am SURE she will shine. Hard to switch though, because the resume doesn't support the new direction. Let's keep our fingers crossed she gets this one. Hours, job, location--all excellent.

Coryn applied for a job he thought he would definitely get, so when he didn't, it was disappointing.  He keeps busy though, out with friends pretty constantly, and reading and hanging with us, and trying to decide where to apply next.

Once again, we have a huge calendar hanging in the hallway, where each person is responsible for putting in their activities so I can attempt to keep track of where everyone is and who will or will not be home for dinner.

And yes, I love it. I don't love the disappointments. I don't love the frustration and having to help do damage control over life's challenges. But I love having them back home. Stuffed is nice.

Monday, June 8, 2015

A Full House . . .Almost

Four of the five of us are back in the house! Caspian and Nicole have returned from their travels and meals are loud and noisy and funny and chaotic again. We are all counting the days (21!) until Coryn is back too and the family is back to "normal". (Never gonna happen.)
Both kids have spent their first few days unpacking, showing us stuff, telling us stories, and settling back in.  Caspian has already applied for a job and is waiting to hear back, plus he has registered with the community college and will be taking the placement test soon.
Nicole is looking at different job options, trying to find something beyond being a barista.  She would be great in management or administrative work. I am sure something will come along as it always has.
I honestly have lost track of how many times I have looked up to see the kids in the living room with me and just smiled. While I admit I have flashes of missing those quiet mornings that were just Joseph and I, when no one needed a pick up, drop off, meal, etc., I am cherishing these days. I know that the next time they leave, since they ARE 24 and 22, they probably won't be coming back again to stay. So I am going to enjoy these days of having an almost full house.
Okay Coryn! Your turn. Enjoy Bali and then get your butt back home.

Friday, May 22, 2015

Reverse! Adjust Again!

After all of March, April, and most of May, Joseph and I have become accustomed to--dare I even say--appreciative of--our time home alone. When we are hungry, we eat. When we want to go somewhere, we go. When we are ready for bed, we go. No one else's schedules, needs or preferences are involved because our house has been child free.

Now that is all changing.

In five days, Caspian will be home.
In 13 days, Nicole will be home.
In a month, Coryn will be home.

Am I glad? OH YES. How I have missed those hugs, the laughter, the nonstop conversation, the long talks, the crazy dinners, and the sound of their voices down the hall, but I admit to some sadness at the one on one time lost with Joseph. We grew to really love it. I suspect when the kids return, they will be flying in every direction searching for jobs, meeting with friends, and being social, so will not be home all the time by any means. But . . it's an adjustment. One we are happy to make--delighted to make--but not without a couple of twinges.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Glad NOT to be Psychic

Ever wanted to be able to tell what is going to happen in the future? I think we all have, but this time around, I am so glad I couldn't. I'm not sure I could have coped knowing what was ahead.

The pain I was feeling when I last posted was bad. I had no idea how bad it could get. Until this morning (Thursday), I was completely unable to walk. UNABLE.  Gout spread throughout my foot and ankle and into my shin. It was like wearing a sock that broke your bones and set them on fire. Air blowing past hurt. I could not touch the foot. No covers could touch it. I had to keep it elevated at all times.

Trying to do ANYTHING on one foot--considering I was recovering from back surgery--was so hard, it was nigh impossible. Joseph had to wheel me to the bathroom and then I had to HOP and fall down on the toilet to pee. I was constantly on verge of throwing up from the pain levels. It was the worst pain of my lifetime. I had to use my arms and one leg (the BAD one, of course) to move at all. I started carrying a fever of 100 to 101 degrees. Honestly, at one point, I just cried and wanted to give up.I swore a lot. I held onto Joseph a lot. I took my meds and I took pain pills, which made me nauseous but I didn't want to eat. It was bad, people, really bad. It made the surgery recovery feel like a hangnail, honestly.

Today I am walking again, although slowly with two canes. The ankle feels like it is severely sprained, but at least the bones aren't grinding together. I'm so damn tired though. My muscles hurt because of how hard I used them. (TRY getting up and down with ONE foot. I'm astonished at how much we need TWO.) I've slept on the couch for two nights because the stairs were impossible. One night I crawled up them on my hands and knees--did you know that hurts your knees? I gave up after that.

Nowhere to go but up now, right? I've put in my pain dues for the next few years. Right? I guess if I was psychic, I would know the answer to that. eh? :)