Friday, May 22, 2015

Reverse! Adjust Again!

After all of March, April, and most of May, Joseph and I have become accustomed to--dare I even say--appreciative of--our time home alone. When we are hungry, we eat. When we want to go somewhere, we go. When we are ready for bed, we go. No one else's schedules, needs or preferences are involved because our house has been child free.

Now that is all changing.

In five days, Caspian will be home.
In 13 days, Nicole will be home.
In a month, Coryn will be home.

Am I glad? OH YES. How I have missed those hugs, the laughter, the nonstop conversation, the long talks, the crazy dinners, and the sound of their voices down the hall, but I admit to some sadness at the one on one time lost with Joseph. We grew to really love it. I suspect when the kids return, they will be flying in every direction searching for jobs, meeting with friends, and being social, so will not be home all the time by any means. But . . it's an adjustment. One we are happy to make--delighted to make--but not without a couple of twinges.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Glad NOT to be Psychic

Ever wanted to be able to tell what is going to happen in the future? I think we all have, but this time around, I am so glad I couldn't. I'm not sure I could have coped knowing what was ahead.

The pain I was feeling when I last posted was bad. I had no idea how bad it could get. Until this morning (Thursday), I was completely unable to walk. UNABLE.  Gout spread throughout my foot and ankle and into my shin. It was like wearing a sock that broke your bones and set them on fire. Air blowing past hurt. I could not touch the foot. No covers could touch it. I had to keep it elevated at all times.

Trying to do ANYTHING on one foot--considering I was recovering from back surgery--was so hard, it was nigh impossible. Joseph had to wheel me to the bathroom and then I had to HOP and fall down on the toilet to pee. I was constantly on verge of throwing up from the pain levels. It was the worst pain of my lifetime. I had to use my arms and one leg (the BAD one, of course) to move at all. I started carrying a fever of 100 to 101 degrees. Honestly, at one point, I just cried and wanted to give up.I swore a lot. I held onto Joseph a lot. I took my meds and I took pain pills, which made me nauseous but I didn't want to eat. It was bad, people, really bad. It made the surgery recovery feel like a hangnail, honestly.

Today I am walking again, although slowly with two canes. The ankle feels like it is severely sprained, but at least the bones aren't grinding together. I'm so damn tired though. My muscles hurt because of how hard I used them. (TRY getting up and down with ONE foot. I'm astonished at how much we need TWO.) I've slept on the couch for two nights because the stairs were impossible. One night I crawled up them on my hands and knees--did you know that hurts your knees? I gave up after that.

Nowhere to go but up now, right? I've put in my pain dues for the next few years. Right? I guess if I was psychic, I would know the answer to that. eh? :)

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

What in the World did I DO to Karma?

Its almost 3 a.m. and I am sitting here in tears because now I have (sigh) gout. I haven't had it since Christmas and I've been VERY good about taking the meds and not eating trigger foods like fish. It began yesterday and I denied it and denied it and tonight I am in so much pain, there is no denying it any longer. This time around, it has spread through the joints of my foot and ankle. Throw in the fact that the last two mornings I've woken with episodes of severe vertigo and . . . really? REALLY? The back surgery wasn't enough? I am so damn tired of waking up in pain, I can't tell you. I told J today that I have forgotten what it is like to just get out of the car and walk in somewhere. To just need something upstairs and get up, run up the stairs, get it and come back. To just MOVE without having to plan it first. Cane? Walker? Wheelchair? Crawl?

I figure this is just wish fulfillment, right? I said I would give almost anything for the pain in my back to just completely stop. So I got gout. It didn't stop the back pain but it's hard to focus on it when your foot is mashed, broken, bleeding, and crushed. (No, but that is what gout feels like.) Just feeling sour and lonely right now. Kids are far away and J is sleeping. I have the dog--who is snoring. Yay.

It will get better. It.will.get.better.IT.WILL.GET.BETTER.
If you hear a muttering, that's just me reminding myself that it will get better. But if you know how to get karma (which I don't believe in) to back off, let me know.