Its almost 3 a.m. and I am sitting here in tears because now I have (sigh) gout. I haven't had it since Christmas and I've been VERY good about taking the meds and not eating trigger foods like fish. It began yesterday and I denied it and denied it and tonight I am in so much pain, there is no denying it any longer. This time around, it has spread through the joints of my foot and ankle. Throw in the fact that the last two mornings I've woken with episodes of severe vertigo and . . . really? REALLY? The back surgery wasn't enough? I am so damn tired of waking up in pain, I can't tell you. I told J today that I have forgotten what it is like to just get out of the car and walk in somewhere. To just need something upstairs and get up, run up the stairs, get it and come back. To just MOVE without having to plan it first. Cane? Walker? Wheelchair? Crawl?
I figure this is just wish fulfillment, right? I said I would give almost anything for the pain in my back to just completely stop. So I got gout. It didn't stop the back pain but it's hard to focus on it when your foot is mashed, broken, bleeding, and crushed. (No, but that is what gout feels like.) Just feeling sour and lonely right now. Kids are far away and J is sleeping. I have the dog--who is snoring. Yay.
It will get better. It.will.get.better.IT.WILL.GET.BETTER.
If you hear a muttering, that's just me reminding myself that it will get better. But if you know how to get karma (which I don't believe in) to back off, let me know.