Friday, August 21, 2009

A Damaged Reputation

I'm gonna be honest. The reason I haven't posted for a while is frankly, I've been too down and too stressed out and I thought, heck, why would anyone want to read another blog entry about (say it in a whiny tone) "poooooooooooooooooor Tami . . . .". But then I also reminded myself that most of the people who read this blog like me. . . no, I'm not assuming all of you do (but if you don't, don't tell me. I'm fragile right now!) but I think most of you do (the ones who leave comments, at least.) I think of myself as a generally happy person, an optomist who looks for the silver lining or finds the hidden blessing buried under the crap! So posts like this seem to damage the reputation I've developed. Imagine, still worrying about your reputation at 50.

So . . . I went to a new doc for my "female" problems and she wants to do an endometrial biopsy. I paled at the idea because I went through that two years ago and I'd rather (literally!) have a root canal with no anesthetic than go through that again. However, she has assured me that she has a totally different method and that I, thanks to a charming combination of Vicodin and Valium, will feel no pain. That has its appeal. So, I agreed and was told they would call me to set up the appointment (third day . . . no call yet).

Then, yesterday afternoon, the light spotting I had turned into full-fledged bleeding. . . mind you, my extraordinarily heavy period just ended 9 days ago. And here I am again. My BP went from 190/110 to 105/60 in a matter of hours. Today it is yo-yoing all over the place which certainly makes it challenging to know if/when to take my meds. My back and front hurt like a deep toothache and I am flashing back to labor (but with no cute new person as the prize!) The doc suspects a prolapsed uterine fibroid (sorry to those who googled that term and ended up here). I don't know what the hell it is but I am beyond ready to have it go away. Over the last couple of years, I have ruined clothes, stained furniture and carpet, almost destroyed a friend's SUV seat (still sorry about that Ami!), gone through ridiculous amounts of underwear and ya know, none of it is any fun. MENOPAUSE, HURRY UP PLEASE!


So, that's what's up there . . . money continues to be a source of stress. In the past two weeks, I have had three new jobs come through with a possible 4th in the wings, so things are improving. However, the time lapse between getting a new job and getting paid for it is typically THREE months or so, which means my good news right now won't help pay the bills until Thanksgiving.

Sigh again.

See, why I don't post? I feel like all I do is bitch and what fun is that to tune in for?

So friends, forgive me. Send love. Send healthy thoughts. Send chocolate. Heck, send money. :)
Maybe I can regain that reputation.