Friday, August 21, 2009

A Damaged Reputation

I'm gonna be honest. The reason I haven't posted for a while is frankly, I've been too down and too stressed out and I thought, heck, why would anyone want to read another blog entry about (say it in a whiny tone) "poooooooooooooooooor Tami . . . .". But then I also reminded myself that most of the people who read this blog like me. . . no, I'm not assuming all of you do (but if you don't, don't tell me. I'm fragile right now!) but I think most of you do (the ones who leave comments, at least.) I think of myself as a generally happy person, an optomist who looks for the silver lining or finds the hidden blessing buried under the crap! So posts like this seem to damage the reputation I've developed. Imagine, still worrying about your reputation at 50.

So . . . I went to a new doc for my "female" problems and she wants to do an endometrial biopsy. I paled at the idea because I went through that two years ago and I'd rather (literally!) have a root canal with no anesthetic than go through that again. However, she has assured me that she has a totally different method and that I, thanks to a charming combination of Vicodin and Valium, will feel no pain. That has its appeal. So, I agreed and was told they would call me to set up the appointment (third day . . . no call yet).

Then, yesterday afternoon, the light spotting I had turned into full-fledged bleeding. . . mind you, my extraordinarily heavy period just ended 9 days ago. And here I am again. My BP went from 190/110 to 105/60 in a matter of hours. Today it is yo-yoing all over the place which certainly makes it challenging to know if/when to take my meds. My back and front hurt like a deep toothache and I am flashing back to labor (but with no cute new person as the prize!) The doc suspects a prolapsed uterine fibroid (sorry to those who googled that term and ended up here). I don't know what the hell it is but I am beyond ready to have it go away. Over the last couple of years, I have ruined clothes, stained furniture and carpet, almost destroyed a friend's SUV seat (still sorry about that Ami!), gone through ridiculous amounts of underwear and ya know, none of it is any fun. MENOPAUSE, HURRY UP PLEASE!


So, that's what's up there . . . money continues to be a source of stress. In the past two weeks, I have had three new jobs come through with a possible 4th in the wings, so things are improving. However, the time lapse between getting a new job and getting paid for it is typically THREE months or so, which means my good news right now won't help pay the bills until Thanksgiving.

Sigh again.

See, why I don't post? I feel like all I do is bitch and what fun is that to tune in for?

So friends, forgive me. Send love. Send healthy thoughts. Send chocolate. Heck, send money. :)
Maybe I can regain that reputation.


the inadvertent farmer said...

As a fellow homeschooler living in the great Pacific Northwest and also in my 40's and married more than 25 years...I send you my deepest well wishes for a quick and hot flash free menopause! I must say that this post was interesting for a first time visitor, your honesty is refreshing! kim

Ami said...

"I agreed and was told they would call me to set up the appointment (third day . . . no call yet)."

My friend, you are a lovely, calm, and sunshiny person. The flip side of that is that sometimes, people take advantage of your good nature and your needs are pushed to the back burner. I'm referring specifically to doctors and the shit you've gone through over the last five years or so.

It's not rude or forward to call THEM and say,"Look, I know I am not your only patient, but right now, to me, I am the most important one you have, and I can't wait any longer for you to call me. Please set an appointment now."

Or, you can give me the telephone number.

Gary & Bev said...

Hey, Sweetie!! Sending love.

YES, YES!!!! Give Ami their telephone number!! Give them a call. Hopefully, you will be able to get in soon.

I am so, so sorry things are continuing to go this way. Elsie and I were worried about you, as you hadn't posted lately.

Glad you got the new work, but please find a way to take care of yourself, particularly since you can't seem to find a doctor to do it.


Ellen said...

Hi, Tami-

I like you, therefore I comment : )

So sorry to hear that things are going so badly. As they say, when it rains, it pours.

Not sure what kind of history you have in the gyn dept., but fibroids are usually diagnosed with an ultrasound, uh...the kind where they need to use a condom. Speaking from uncomfortable experience, here. Given the level of your discomfort, and drastic changes in symptoms, if your doctor didn't recommend surgery, I'd be surprised.

Don't have much else to say, except that I hope things start going better for you soon, and I'll keep sending positive vibes your way.

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