Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Running . . . and Stumbling

All around my house, you will find positive affirmation signs, stickers, labels, and plaques. I truly feel that surrounding myself with these uplifting thoughts subconsciously helps me, as well as the rest of my family. You can't spend 5 minutes in our living room without knowing we are (1) a happy family, (2) readers, (3) extremely messy, (4) not terribly concerned about dusting and vacuuming, and (5) incorporating a home office into the main room of the house. 

Today . . . I am struggling. Things are good--we are adapting to work schedules. We have our annual trip to the desert next week. I FINALLY have my new glasses that I've waited to order for nine months. And wow, what I was missing . . . .

But there's a new member of the family. His name is Pippin. He is blue, and had four wheels, brakes, and a seat. No, not a bike . . . it's a walker. My back and legs have gotten so painful, that I take Pippin with me on some trips because I'm afraid I will fall otherwise. I take way too many painkillers. I don't understand why. I've lost 50 lbs, been on this diet for a year, my blood sugar and blood pressure are wonderful . . .but something is wrong somewhere. I went to a doctor for it four years ago when it wasn't nearly this awful. She ordered an MRI. It said slight disc issues . . . and that was it. Her advice? (She didn't do any exam or even look to see where I had pointed) . . lose some weight. Yeah, that has helped me so much so far. (And yes, I hope to pursue further testing, but waiting for all that new insurance stuff we HAD to sign up for to come through first.)

Sigh. So I have Pippin, named by my kids who knew I found it demoralizing, and wanted it to be fun. I'm already being teased about it and, because these people love me so much, reminded that I can still kick butt even if I have a walker in front of me. 

And work . . wow, work. It is coming in so fast, I am flying through each day working as fast as humanly possible. Some projects have proven much harder and more intense than I had prepared for, and then everything else on the list suffers as I attempt to move deadlines around and cope with extra demands. 

So, I am running . . . to keep up, while stumbling to stay upright. 
Focus on the signs on the wall, Tami. Keep smiling. 


Ami said...

I understood most of this. And I've been to your house.

But you don't dust often?

I'm shocked. Shocked and appalled.
Living in my dust-free ivory tower, I just don't understand how the other half lives, I guess.

Anonymous said...

Read everything by Brene Brown. She talks about how that fake smile and the pushing through, and how it doesn't help in the long run.