It's almost 4 am and I am wide awake. I think it is because my heart and head are too full for sleeping right now. I am having one of those times in my life where I am intensely aware of my world changing and I want to relish and experience and absorb every minute of it.
My kids are growing up. That is to be expected and it's certanly an ongoing process, but I am aware intermittently of it. Nicole is, for the first time in her life, in love. What FUN it is to watch. She is experiencing things she never has before. She misses him every second she isn't either with him, talking to him on the phone, instant messaging him or texting him. Although those moments are few and far between (smile), they are long ones for her. I can remember being that way . . . where no matter how much you are with someone, it is never enough. When you want to not be more than a few inches from each other for hours and hours on end. Jon has become her favorite topic of discussion and it is a rare moment when his name is not in current conversation. Every song on the radio has new meaning. (REMEMBER that stage???) Love scenes in movies are more relevant. I am honored to watch this relationship. Being in another person's heart and allowing another person into yours is such a cherished time. I am glad she has chosen someone who apparently treasures the experience as much as she does. I know he will handle her carefully.
In less than two hours, we also leave for the airport to take Caspian for his flight across the country to the other coast. For the 5 1/2 hours he will be in the air, I will keep the news on just to make sure there are no accidents. We recently saw the movie "Knowng" which portrays the most horrific plane crash scene I've ever seen and it was lousy timing . . . I know he will have a marvelous time. The people waiting for him on the other end are so excited he is coming. I send him with a happy heart but it's bittersweet. He is taking a girl to the prom and I won't be there to make sure his shirt is tucked in properly or give him last minute dancng advice and that is hard. He has grown so much . . . he is tall and has this deep voice and, just in time for his trip, he has gotten his braces of two years off. He makes us very proud.
Coryn is about to turn 13. THIRTEEN. A teenager. He is taller than I am and has a wicked sense of humor. Recently friends commented on how much he had grown and how the little kid was now a young man. It made me happy . . . mostly.
Today was April Fool's Day. It's a fun day. I've pulled some pretty good pranks on people in the past. I find it a very delicate art though. You don't want to do anything that hurts or scares or disappoints someone. One year I told Joseph I was pregnant when we had a 6 and 3 year old and newborn in the house already. That was amusing. Ask Nicole about chocolate syrup and April Fool's sometime . . . one of my better moments. This time I fooled Coryn that the computer virus had wiped his computer. Then, I helped Nicole concoct a good joke to pull on Jon that went off fairly well. It made her chuckle all day. We all helped from coming up with the idea to paying for it to drivng her to Vancouver and back. On the way, we all had lunch together and did a lot of joking around. At one point, Coryn said, "This family laughs together more than any I've ever seen." He's right--we do. We all have strong senses of humor and can often create quite a scene in places because of how hard we are laughing. Jon hasn't seen that aspect of us yet . . . we are pretty tame when he is around. . . Man, I hope we don't scare him off.
We leave for the airport in 90 minutes so perhaps I will try to close my eyes for just a little while again. I will close, however, with the best April Fool's story ever. Those of you who already know me well, know it, so you can skim right to the end.
Several years ago, my mother called me up and told me that she had gone flying in a World War II plane with a friend. It was an open cockpit plane and she had had an amazing experience. I knew she was going and I was eager to hear all about it. After all, the woman was 75 and I thought it was great that she had the gumption to do this. She then proceeded to tell me that she loved it so much, she was going to get flying lessons. She did her best to convince me she was telling the truth and finally, I just said . . . OK, Mom . . . well, that's great. At this point, she said "April Fool's, honey."
I paused a moment. I grinned. I said, "Mom . . . it's July 1, not April 1."
She paused. Then she said, "Well . . . . sh--."
I started laughing. I heard her say to my Dad, "Jim! It's July, not April". I heard him mutter, "Well, da--".
I laughed so hard, I cried. It was one of the funniest moments in my life.
Today, when I tell that story, I cry too because I miss those people more than I can say. As I said before, life changes. People change. People leave your life and new ones come in. I just want to stay awake enough to appreciate both.