This Too Shall Pass

My father was known for saying, "This too shall pass" whenever I was bummed about something as a kid. If I got a rotten grade, got into an argument with a friend, got dumped--everything earned a hug, a kiss on the top of the head and a familiar motto that whatever I was experiencing was temporary and things would get better.



His motto has become my mantra in recent weeks.



This will pass, Tami.

Better times are ahead, Tami.

You have weathered worse, Tami.



The verdict is still out on when . . . and if I can stay patient until then . . .



I have been paid ONCE in almost a month. The down time I had in March is coming back now to haunt me. A family of five cannot live on $1400 for very long. It has been a lean time and I am working as hard as I possibly can to remind myself to treat this like an ADVENTURE. Learn what I can from it. Be humbled so as to appreciate the better times more instead of taking them for granted. Be patient. Remember that THIS TOO WILLLLLLLLL PASS, damn it.



So, share with me my "lessons".



We have learned to have fun without doing many of the same things we used to do. No lingering at bookstores. No trips to Goodwll. No late night trips to Denny's for a fun meal. No trips to the movie store to get the latest movie for that night's viewing.



We have learned that while some people give blood to get money, we give books. We have been to Powell's store six times to sell books . . . . often it is the money that pays for that week's groceries. At first finding the books was easy--we DO have an inordinately large supply. Now, however, we are all dipping into books we either haven't read yet or want to keep. It's starting to hurt a bit.



We have learned that the Dollar Store is a remarkable place. We had never really gone there before and now I think they may know us by name. . . We have learned that we can make an entire meal for all 5 of us for $5. Healthy? Not particularly. Filling? Not usually. But it works.



We have learned that our children are very generous spirited. Each has found a way to offer their money or time or work to help us. That is a gift in itself to us.



We have learned that banks do not care at all if you are struggling . . . and have no second thoughts about piling on additonal charges when you don't have the money to pay them in the first place.


We have learned that people simply do not mail out checks when they say they will.



We have learned that staying home at night and watching a movie together and/or reading is one of the best types of evenings you can have.



We have learned that being flat broke seems to be an invitation to the universe to send bad karma so that, naturally, our washer is making weird sounds, the tags on our bus are expired and the rear main seal on our family van is ruined and thus pretty undriveable.



We have learned that we have friends who truly love us and show up with a bowl of strawberries and a heart of gold that allowed me to buy the medications I was supposed to get, gas for the van and food for my family. (You know who you are too, darlin!)



We have learned that being broke is hard, but not impossible. It is depressing (at least for me) but it is also humbling and a reminder to appreciate what we do have. It is also a call to be creative in ways I don't think we would have thought of otherwise.



So yes, Dad, I know this too shall pass. I know that I have been hired for more work, that my assignment list is filling up more and more, that my free time is shrinking by the day. I know that better times are ahead. In the meantime, I will do my utmost best to absorb the lessons and gain from them.



But Dad . . . . . couldn't it pass just a little faster? Please?

The Not so Lazy Days of Summer

Hey everyone. Let's just skip the apologies for my taking so long to post and pretend I said them, you accepted them and I am properly chastised and motivated to do better. (I am sure that is how my kids would prefer I scold them as well.)

It has been summertime around here and I glory in each sunny, hot day because I love this time of year. More than anything, I love sitting out on my swing and soaking up the rays and listening to music. Perfect peace.

So, here is a peek into what has been going on around the Orr household. As usual, some good, some bad . . . in other words, LIFE.

On Memorial Day, we had a big party that went very well. We had about 30 people here and while having large parties is not all that unusual for us, this one was different because it was a very eclectic mixture of people. We had homeschooling friends, Jon's family, a good friend from Texas who fortunately happened to be visiting that weekend, my computer guy and family, my massage therapist and wife--a really eclectic mix. And you know? It worked. I think a good time was had by all. Food was delicious, weather was perfect and conversations were fascinating.

We are, however, being TORMENTED by a demon with wings at our house . . . no, you don't need to send us a referral for an exorcist . . . this winged devil is a bird. A "scrub jay" as they are known out here. This BIRD (not what I want to call it) apparently has a nest nearby and believes that somehow our cat is going to catapult herself 15 feet in the air into the arbor vitae hedge and grab eggs/babies. Now I completey agree that our cat should not do that . . . she is fed every day and hunting for helpless baby birds is unnecessary. HOWEVER, this bird is sooooooo paranoid that staring at FOUR IN THE MORNING, it perches on our decks (up and down) and proceeds to squawk. Over and over and over again. At three second intervals. As an auditory person, this sound drives me insane. In fact, it is driving us all a little nuts. It wakes up everyone in the entire household. A friend suggested we get a water gun and blast it . . . which we are giving serious thought to. Okay, okay. I admit to occasional delusions of just blasting it with something more permanent but really, I don't want to HURT it, I just want it to GO AWAY, especially since we are attempting to sleep out on our deck again and I don't want to be wakened at 4 a.m. (I say attempted because every single time we have tried it so far, the air mattress--and we have several we are rotating--gets a leak and by sunrise we are flat on the hard, hard, hard boards. At one time, I wouldn't have noticed. Now, OUCH.)

This morning, I thought to myself . . . wow, that bird is almost echoing itself or something. Listen to how often it is squawking. To my never ending delight I discovered that now there are TWO of them in the yard.

Oh.
Lucky

Me

Health issues are jumping up a bit. My vertigo is gone (celebrate!) but I found out last weekend that my BP is way up again. I have been on several different meds for this. Don't add salt to anything. I don't get it. But have an appointment with the doc tomorrow. BP is a pain because there really aren't any symptoms and if you don't check it, you don't know it's up. My biggest clue is my ankles swell while I work at the computer.

Speaking of feet (a smooth segue, wouldn't you admit?), last night Joseph stumbled and ran his foot into the base of the bed. I believe he broke at least one toe. Would he sit down? No. Would he put ice on it ? No. Is he a stubborn man that makes me wanna pull out my hair? You can guess that one. Today the foot is swollen and it hurts to walk. When I suggested perhaps, you know, sitting down and putting some ice on it, he ROLLED his eyes at me. Yes, he did, the dickens. I said, Fine.........suffer. Argh. Men.

On the work front, things continue to improve ever, ever, ever so slowly. I have been picking up some new jobs and already have 6 books on the schedule for 2010 which is reassuring in these troubled economic times . My biggest headache has been projects where I am not given all of the info I need until I have struggled, angsted, wept, screamed and vented and THEN they say OOPS, this bit of instruction might help. Oh well, I like my gray hair, I guess.

So that is about it on this end. Kids are good. Restless. Always hungry. Nicole and Jon are going strong at 4 1/2 months now.

Going to ATTEMPT to add a couple of pics to this post. If they are there, enjoy them. If they are not, I tried, and gave up. Let's just pretend you saw them and say, wow, what an amazingly beautiful woman writes these posts . . .

A Dizzy Dame . . . and the Light at the End of the Tunnel

Hey there. You know, this morning, as I did my usual routine of checking my favorite blogs (and you know who you are!), I realized that I was a tad bit hypocritical. I would sit here and grumble and grouse about those who had not updated their blogs in days . . . even weeks (Ami, you are a role model to us all) and then realize I was complaining about the very same thing I did myself. I let days, even weeks, go by without posting. Shame on me.

So, what's new? Well, starting on Monday May 11, I have had an ongoing case of vertigo. It comes and goes but it is unpredictable so I never know when I am going to turn my head, bend over to pick something up or just LIE DOWN and find the world spinning off its axis. Not fun, lemme tell ya. If it lasts much more than 30 seconds, nausea and the shakes kick in. I "think" it is getting better each day, but it's taking its own sweet time.

We are preparing for a big party at our house on Monday, a Memorial Day potluck. We are looking forward to it because we have a very eclectic mix of people coming. The weather is supposed to be fabulous, for which I am very grateful. Of course, the two weeks before the party we have to decide to rearrange rooms . . . Nicole and Caspian switched and the computer room is now a . . .guest/Jon room for when he stays over . . which, let's admit . . . is about 4 or 5 times a week so not exactly uncommon. (So clearly, yes, they are still together. Four months this weekend which they are spending in Seattle together.) I am desperately hoping that all of the furniture rearranging will be done by the party because I am tired of tripping over extra pieces in the hallway or opening doors to utter catastrophes.

Work, ah, work . . . it is improving I am pleased to report. I think I mentioned that I was up for three new jobs. I was given two of them. The third I didn't get because the company didn't get the job, not because I wasn't selected. I have also gotten several new books and new courses so the work schedule is looking way nicer than it did a month ago. It is still not near what it used to be, but you know, that's ok. I don't mind not being swamped.

So, life is good . . . I'd rather it was a little more stable in regards to vertigo . . I also wish I would win the lottery since our van's "rear main seal" (whatever that means) needs replacing and we aren't driving it until it is. Yea, $650 for repairs. Time to go stand out on the corner . . . . "Help. Family van out of commission. All donations welcome. Goddess bless you." Think it would work? So we are getting from one place to another via the 1977 "Avocado Crib" VW bus that only Joseph knows how to drive. It has been interesting. Usually we just use it for camping, so everytime we get in just to run to the bank or pick up/deliver one of our kids, I feel like I should be toting a cooler full of juice and beer, plus wondering if I rememebered to pack something vital.

Hey, if you stop by, leave a comment so I know. It's nice to know that people are actually reading these words now that I have paused being hypocritical and actually posted. . ..

Happy Mama's Day to All

What a lovely day it has been! First of all, it was sunny and warm almost all day, reminding all of us that spring really is here and summer is on its way.
Secondly, I got up this morning to a sweet husband who shared Sunday comics with me and then a cup of coffee at the closest Starbuck's. As the day wore on, I was treated to a delicious meal made on the grill, two lovely journals and a card from my Nicole and a Mother/Child ring, complete with diamonds, from my entire family. Tonight, one son is giving me a foot rub and the other a back rub. Wow, huh?
To top it off, one friend brought me a picture of Nicole and I that she had enlarged and framed while another had the coolest video made that named me "Mother of the Year".
In the evening, Jon helped to treat us all to the new movie "Star Trek" which was fantastic and sparked a passion for the series' movies in my kids. (As I write this, we are watching "The Wrath of Khan").
So, yea, a delicious day all around. I will crawl into bed later tonight missing hearing my mom's voice, missing the sound of my oldest daughter's voice, but otherwise happy and extremely blessed. I hope all you mamas out there had the same.

Happy 50 to Me!

Today was my 50th birthday. It has been full of unexpected surprises and precious moments.

It began yesterday with a birthday package in the mail from my darlin friend Bev in Indiana. She sent me goodies like tea, lotion, and of course, chocolate!! She and I have been friends for 19 years and a little something like 2200 miles of separation could never change that. We are forever friends by now. As they say, we have to remain friends because we know so much about each other, we are dangerous.

Then, today, I was wakened by my husband inviting me out to breakfast. When we got back, he handed me a beautiful love letter that I know he suffered through to write. Writing does not come easy for him, so those two and a half pages were precious.

In the afternoon, Nicole surprised me by taking me to the Chinese Gardens in downtown Portland. It is such a gorgeous place with photo opps around each corner. We took lots and lots of pictures and laughed and just enjoyed time alone--a precious commodity these days.

We came home, after getting a delicious rosemary mocha, and my friend Susie and her son Jake and friend Randy brought over a lovely chicken casserole for lunch, plus decadent chocolate, coconut, nutty bars for dessert. As they were leaving, my special friend Susan and her hubby and daughter came by, bearing a gorgeous floral bouquet from their garden, a homemade cake, a matching Writing Goddess key chain and even a beautiful butterfly necklace for me.

Later, my sons gave me a gorgeous turquoise purse I had been admiring. Finally, Jon, Nicole's boyfriend, made the evening complete by ordering dinner for all of us. Tomorrow I have a package coming from a friend in Texas and several friends from all over the U.S. have sent me cards. My old college roommate even remembered and sent me a book!!!

Am I lucky or what? Truly, I am feeling deeply loved right now. Two voices were missing. I didn't hear from my oldest, but I don't hear from her on birthdays for reasons I guess I don't understand. And I desperately missed my mother's voice calling me to sing a purposely off key rendition of "Happy Birthday". She and I were 30 years apart and often kidded about turning 50 and 80 respectively. I am sad she isn't here to give me a hard time about it.

Nonetheless, I am feeling blessed in many ways, with caring kids, charming husband and loving friends. I mourn what is gone but cherish, more with every passing day, what is here with me. As I look back on 50 years on this planet, I realize that as good as life has been, today, this moment, is still the best. Happy Birthday to me!

Highlighting the Ups and Downs

Life recently has been full of ups and downs. I don't know why it hasn't gotten the memo that Tami is too old for rollercoasters now, but apparently it missed that one. Overall, I have to say though that the ups are coming along faster than they were . . . thank goodness. I am working hard to see those elusive silver linings as well.

DOWN:
Still twiddling my thumbs without much on my work schedule.
UP:
I have done more reading and reorganizing around the house.
I was hired for a new job this week and am up for another one next week.
I have been told that I am getting several new projects once May gets here and they kick in.
I THINK we have enough money to get us through until the new stuff starts. I hope so--I didn't wanna stand on a street corner with a "WILL WRITE FOR FOOD" sign.

DOWN:
My children are all achieving milestones in their lives and I feel O L D.
UP:
Nicole is head over heels in love with a sweet boy we are starting to consider a 5th child. Jon has really become a part of our lives and she simply can't break up with him because we'd all miss him now.
Caspian returned from New Hampshire and turned 16 the other day. He vaccilates between adorable and sweet and sullen and silent at the speed of light. Goes with the age.
Coryn turns 13 next week and is campaigning for a laptop that I simply can't afford to get him at this point. Sigh. I will find a way to make the day special anyway.
Joseph has a red letter week, scoring first loads and loads of pine needles and then TONS of grass clippings for his gardening project. Many trips loading, unloading, spreading and rearranging going on. He smiles a lot in the process.

DOWN:
Haven't been able to afford "Rent" tickets yet but I am working on it. "Cats" and "Lion King" are coming next year . . . . do you think people would put money in jars labeled "Tami's Broadway Play Tickets Fund"?
UP:
We saw "Grease" last night and it was a truly wonderful performance. Taylor Hicks (from "American Idol") was in it and did a great job. Nicole went up to his afterwards (he was signing CDs) and leaned over to tell him he was gorgeous (he is). He was startled and gave her a great smile. She was beaming. Where did my shy little girl go?

DOWN:
It isn't summer yet.
UP:
For three days, it felt like summer here. It renewed our hopes that isn't far away. I got tan in 2 days. I love our deck.

DOWN:
No long summer vacation this year.
UP:
Hoping to take lots of short 2 or 3 day trips around Oregon. We have the VW bus, so why not? We figure Nicole wouldn't be able to leave Jon for 2 or 3 weeks straight anyway. She would start to twitch uncontrollably and he would be driving all over the country in search of her. Gosh, those two are sweet.

Ok, that's the ride for now. Come back later, pay for another ticket and I will see if I can get you an empty seat. Unless, of course, life gets my memo . . .. .

Sorry for Being M.I.A.

Sorry for the disappearing act there. Sadly, it is not because I am swamped with work . . . . my assignments are slowly picking up but still remain far, far, far lower than any other time since we moved 7 years ago.

So, let's do a catch up on life, shall we? Hope you just nodded or whispered or at last thought "yes". If not, go on to the next blog now.

Starting with the youngest and moving upwards . . . .

Coryn is fine. He will turn 13 in just a couple of weeks and is mighty excited. He has missed his brother, of course.

Caspian returns from his trip TODAY and I am counting the hours. We have all missed him, made worse by the fact that the visit did not go as he had expected and it has made for some tension and unhappiness for all. I am sure he will come home looking much older and wiser and more mature. . . and get this, NOW he likes green beans. Who knew it would take a cross country trip to change his taste buds?

Nicole is great. Still with Jon. Still happy. Heading out this weekend for a Search and Rescue outing. She and I don't get as much time together as we used to, so I take advantage of every minute I get with her. We have done quite a bit of thrift store searching lately and have come up with some awesome clothing to add to her ever growing wardrobe.

Jasmine is . . . I have no idea. I check her blog fairly often but she hasn't posted. I dropped her an email the other day and hope to hear back from it. I do miss her something fierce sometimes. I miss the friendship we once had and just hope that one day, in time, she will think of me as a friend again. In the meantime, we just love her from afar.

I am fine. I have had too much free time on my hands and I don't really like it. I am all caught up on letter writing. I am reading at least a book a week. I am even (gasp) doing housework here and there. I am constantly searching for work and new jobs and have leads on several. I know that the economy will change and I will eventually return to desperately searching for a free moment, so am trying to enjoy this extra time off.

Joseph is well also. He has been working on various and sundry VWs and made some progress there. We are all counting the days until our trip in June to Maupin--our kickoff to the summer and camping fun. Recently, J rearranged the living room for me so that my desk is on the opposite side of the room and I LOVE it. The room seems completely different now. He did a great job.

That's life in the Orr House. Oh yes, we survived Tax Day too. We owed, OF COURSE. But it was less than half of what we owed last year, so that was better. I sent them a mere drop in the bucket . . . .although I was tempted to just send them some Starbuck's coupons instead of a check . . . I swear that Tax Time is the only time of the year when you are THRILLED that you made less money the year before. Anyway, keeping with tradition, we put on our PJs, left the house at 11 pm and drove to the only post office in Portland that was taking returns up until midnight. We sang bawdy, raunchy songs on the way to and from and got ice cream cones on the way home. This year, we didn't have Caspian but we did have Jon and that was fun. He was a nice addition to the tradition.

More soon, I hope. If I don't remember, NAG me.