Friday, June 6, 2008

Well. . . . . Damn

The emotional week comes to a crashing end.
Went to see the urologist today. A look at the ultrasound and my medical history and they scheduled surgery immediately. I refused to have it done until we do our trip to Indiana and back. (yhusband thinks I am insane and the stubornest woman on the planet.) However, I am not letting anything interfere with that. But this is very sobering. It will cost upwards of $15,000, which we don't have but thank goodness for payment plans. I've been given meds for the pain, which is helpful. The problem won't end there though. Once the stones are gone, we have the issue of what doctors believe to be the original problem which is (say it with me, now) hy-per-pa-ra-thy-roid-ism. The solution to that? Apparently more surgery. More money. ARGH. On Wednesday, I get a full report on everything from the doctor. I leave the next morning for a four day campout in Maupin, come back on Sunday and leave again Monday morning.

I am walking around feeling guilty as hell over this. I have had this huge lull in work for the first time in years--of course, it would happen NOW. I am worried about how we will ever manage to pay off all of this, as well as how well I will be able to keep up with the work I do have while undergoing all of this treatment. Mostly, I am feeling old and sad and in pain and frustrated.

Ah well. Life goes on. I will get myself emotionally grounded by the end of day. Right now I am just feeling completely overwhelmed by life and responsibility.

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