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Friday, December 17, 2010

Keep On Keeping On

On the one hand, as I look into 2011, I am heartened. I am continuously getting new jobs now . . . they appear each week and I am oh, so glad. I suspect 2011 will be much, much better than 2010 . . if I can just survive the next few weeks.
The sadness in this house is palpable. My poor Nicole either sleeps, or wanders through the house putting on a fake smile or just sobs. And sobs. And sobs. For a child I hadn't seen cry more than a couple of tears in years, this is difficult for everyone. The boys look sad and hide in their rooms until it stops. Joseph wants to help and listens so sweetly but his way of responding is foreign to her and doesn't help much. So, I do my very best to listen, love, hug, give gentle advice and then repeat. I'm not feeling very competent right now though. I just want to FIX it. We are coming up with ideas but getting Nicole to do them may take some carefully placed dynamite and firm coercion. Mostly she wants to stare, ramble and cry. Broken hearts are just so hard to survive for a while.
Her sadness and our finances are making for a slightly less than cheerful Christmas, that's for sure. I am clinging to good spirits with all the duct tape and crazy glue I can muster, but there are days where I can feel my grip slipping anyway. I keep hearing my dad's voice in my head . . . "Tami, this too shall pass" and I know he was right. But, as I've said before, it sure does pass SLOWLY, digging painful furrows in hearts as it goes.
I'll hang in there. Keep on keeping on. All of those platitudes from the 70's. But is it okay if I say it isn't fun?

2 comments:

Migraine Mental said...

It's always okay to say it's not fun. And to share the burden with people. Helps make it a little lighter, I think.

Cookies can help, too.

I predict some in your near future.

Michael said...

Absolutely, unalterably OK to say that it isn't fun. To say that it sucks, even.

I understand so utterly your need to fix- I'm a fixer, and my preference is to fix, to mend, to make better, to act, to do SOMETHING. As you well know, there are times when you can't do ANYTHING. It hurts like hell, but all you can do is be there, hour after hour, day after day, and wait until she finds her way out of the labyrinth on her own.

"Shared pain is lessened, shared joy is increased", as they say at Callahan's Place.

Good luck.