Sunday, December 12, 2010

Mail Me Some Wisdom. Please?

After 26 years of being a parent to four children, I thought I'd learned wisdom. No magical solutions, of course, but at least good advice, helpful hints, strong guidance. But then a situation comes along with one of your kids and you find yourself stymied. It has happened with all four of my kids, of course, and every time I get remotely cocky or smug about being a good mother, something rears up and humbles me.

I mean, this week Caspian fell and broke a toe. I didn't panic. I put ice on it, had him keep it elevated. I wrapped it and gave him advice on what to do and not do until it healed. Several days later, he is almost all better.

This same week, however, my Nicole had her heart broken and man, is that harder than a toe. I just don't know how to help her heal. I listen and listen and listen and listen and hug and hug and hug and hug. Now and then, I make her laugh and for a moment, she forgets and then silence falls and brings such sorrow with it. Endless tears. And I offer her ice cream because she won't eat and I offer her time out in a coffee shop because she doesn't want to leave the house. And I listen. And hug. And love her with every fiber of my being. And the pain just doesn't get any better.

I'm the MOM. I used to be able to offer a hug, a band-aid and an ice cream cone and no matter what was wrong, it got better. I miss those days. I know she does too. We are trying to come up with answers and ideas and possibilities and her whole family is behind her with hugs and love but this is tough.

So, if you have some extra wisdom lying about in your parenting toolbox, send it to me. I promise to apply it carefully and with tenderness. Because you know, when her heart breaks, ours all break along with her. They don't seem to make any band-aids big enough for that.


Ami said...

Well, you know the only thing that's going to help is time.

Funny. As parents, we often want to freeze time and have our children remain a certain way 'forever'.

But then something like this happens, and there's a wish to be able to control the passage of time and speed it up. Fast forward past the pain. Then press play again.

I'm sorry. I have nothing but love for you and yours... not much in the way of advice.

Gary & Bev said...

Ah, Sweet Tami, just know that you are doing everything that a mom can do. You are doing it right! And, yes, it still hurts. Please give Nicole a hug from me and let her know I am praying for her. . .and for you too.

Hugs all around!

Anonymous said...

Oh my...

These sorts of things do hurt moms too. It's terribly painful to see your child in agony.

And yes, time is the healing balm, but in our microwave world, where everything is accomplished so readily and quickly, waiting on something painful to end seems especially excruciating for all involved.

Pain will fade, but one thing will remain constant-- her memory of a mother and a family that had her back and loved her through these things...

You are doing it right, my dear...
Hugs to you and dear Nicole,
Love you guys!
LC and family