Thursday, January 15, 2009

An Anniversary

Today marks one year since my mom died. It is hard to believe it has been that long. I think of her every single day and still occasionally reach for the phone to tell her something. I can distinctly remember her telling me the very same thing years ago when her mother died. I can almost imagine a future time when Nicole will remember me telling her the very same thing.

My dear friend Susan suggested that I find a way to celebrate/commemorate this day and she is right. I have been thinking about it on and off for some hours. I finally decided that I want to sit at the kitchen table with the kids and just tell stories about my mom that I remember. I know most of them will be funny and I imagine one or two will make me cry. However, I can think of no better way to honor her memory than to keep it alive and share it with her grandchildren.

Lately, I wanted to call my mom up and tell her that Nicole had yet another disappointing date that went awry. She would sympathize and remind Nicole that you have to go through a lot of toads before you find the prince. I wanted to tell her how, the other day, I was reminded so poignantly of what makes Joseph and I's marriage work. We were getting ready to take a shower (we have a HUGE shower capable of holding 5 or 6 people--on theory, mind you. We haven't tried it yet.) and so I went and got one of his favorite towels and hung it out for him to use. The other towel was still wet from someone else's shower so this way, he wouldn't have to use that one. I smiled as I did it because it was a little way of saying I love you to him. When our shower was over, he got out first. As he left the bathroom, he said, I left the dry towel for you, hon. :) It's like a convoluted version of the Gift of the Maji, right?

I wanted to call this morning and tell her about some of the strange work opportunities that were offered to me by the morning's email. A chance to go on live radio and be interviewed. A chance to author an entire college course on avian flu. (I wrote a book about it.) A chance to write for a project that I detest so much that even in this day of really needing work, I am going to turn it down. Instead, I will go downstairs and tell my hubby and while he will respond with sage advice, genuine interest and honest answers, I will still miss telling my mom.

So, if your mom is still around--even if her opinions don't match yours, if her homeschooling comments bug the crap out of you, if she always manages to comment on the one topic you avoid, if she dislikes your spouse or disapproves of how you raise the kids, EVEN if she keeps trying to give you the clothes that she has lost too much weight to wear anymore, call her/visit her/write her and tell her you love her. Because I promise you this, there WILL come a day when you would trade almost anything you had for the chance to do so.


Ami said...

Of course you know I was thinking of you and your mom today. She was one in a billion.

Gipseemom said...

Next month my grandmother will go up into the northern part of Maine with 2 other couples who have been life-long friends and celebrate my grandfather's life. They do this every year without exception. They go to the camp he loved to go to when he hunted, drink a toast and remember a life that is still missed after 10 years.
What a gift to give to your children.