During the day, I went to Sandy with Nicole and after lunch and she headed to her play, I walked around town a little. I don't spend much time alone so this was unusual . . . but really nice. And walking felt easy. That was a new feeling for me. I've had hip issues for months now and usually walking exhausts me. But the sun was out and I felt great. Then, later that night,
I went to a gathering of J's friends at the Lucky Lab, a brew pub. It was mostly guys and although I smiled and politely responded on the rare occasion one of them spoke to me, I primarily texted with Nicole and read a magazine. We have not eaten out much AT all since this diet started and being in a familiar restaurant where I often got sandwiches and pizza was not easy. I was worried I would really struggle and end up emotionally wrecked.
But . . .a strange thing happened. First, I ordered a pulled pork sandwich. I took off the bread and gave away the chips and just ate the meat. I checked. Feeling resentful? No. Feeling deprived? No. Feeling hungry still? Yes. (When you take off all of the other stuff, you're not left with much actual food.)
So I went back up and ordered a caesar salad. Took off all of the croutons. Ate it. Delicious! I drank my UNsweetened tea. Didn't mind it a bit.
As I walked to the bathroom and back . . . wearing a pair of jeans I have NEVER worn because they were too small from the day I first bought them . . . I felt. . . I know that this word is WAY overused in today's world but it fits best . . . . empowered! I felt strong and confident and happy. It was a really really good moment.
The moment stayed with me today as I ran around taking Nicole where she needed to go. When we stopped in a coffee shop and J shocked me by buying one of the all time favorite cookies on the planet, I had two bites. It tasted wonderful but I didn't want anymore. When we took pizza to the boys (who were sure they had died and gone to heaven), I had one bite because it was pushed into my face, but that was it. I'm thrilled not that I didn't have it but because I didn't WANT it.
So, today I decided to capitalize on that empowerment and I dusted off my sneakers (under two years worth of dust!), put on sweat pants, t-shirt and sweatshirt and earphones and borrowed my son's iPod and then I walked over to the nearby high school track. I walked a mile (four laps) while listening to "Glee" songs and mouthing the lyrics.
I know that doesn't sound like much but six months ago, walking up and down the stairs more than once or twice was difficult, so this really WAS a big deal. Poor J called me on the cell phone to check on me . . . .and had me check BP as soon as I got back (125/70 baby!). I jumped in the shower and although I am tired and I have a suspicion that I may moan and groan when crawling out of bed tomorrow, I really feel good about me.
I guess you could say, I feel . . .. empowered. Go, Tami.