Friday, April 18, 2014

I Guess It's My Turn

I've watched my husband go through it.
I've watched my mother go through it.
I've watched various friends go through it.
I've done all I could to help, or at least just let each person know I was there.
I guess now, it's my turn.
I am . . quite honestly . .  depressed. I am struggling to get out of bed in the morning and maintain a decent attitude. I am frequently swept over by feelings of fear, sadness, hopelessness, and lethargy. Anyone who knows me knows this is NOT me. I thrive on stupid puns, raunchy jokes, inside references, and repeated laughter. This is just so NOT me, and I don't like it.
I'm eating healthy, and trying to get more rest. I am surrounded by wonderful, loving, supportive people who would, literally, do anything for me. My work is picking up, summer is coming, and all will be well. But I can't seem to see these things as clearly as I can see money problems, life changes, obstacles that feel, right now, insurmountable.
Watching someone you care about go through depression is awful.
Being that person is worse--I know that now.
I guess the key is . .  don't stop in the middle of it. Do what everyone else does and GET THROUGH IT.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear that you're dealing with this, Tami. Sometimes all the love and support in the world just doesn't help enough. From personal experience, I suspect that depression can be a side effect of disrupted hormones. Two years ago, I wasn't on any pharmaceuticals. Today? I must have 15 various things that I've tried for symptom relief.I recall my mom's depression getting really bad during menopause. All this to say, if you haven't already, you might consider antidepressants. I was always a skeptic. Not anymore. Helps with a pain issue that I have, too, so bonus.
I hope you are blessed with a short menopause!


Jacki said...

I think it's time for our 'bitch-and-brew', don't you think? Depression is such a crappy thing to go through, and all the support in the world cannot make it go away. So, let's meet and talk and have a brew at Hoppy Brewer on Main St. I love you, Tam!!!

WritingGoddess said...

YES, I do, Jacki. Does Hoppy Brewer have wine? If so, name the day and time woman.

Ami said...

I second what Ellen said. That you should not rule out pharmaceutical help. I know how you feel about that sort of thing. I know how your husband feels about it, too.

But sometimes, it's a gift.
And getting an antidepressant isn't necessarily for life, either. Getting through the horrendous rough patches sometimes requires someone or something to hold your hand.

I love you and I am sorry that you're feeling like this. You know that I can relate very, very well.