Friday, December 5, 2008

Too Little Sleep, Too Much Work

Sorry for the dearth of posts lately, guys. It hasn't been for lack of interest but lack of time. I have been rather overwhelmed with work and for almost a week, I was only sleeping 4 or 5 hours a night in order to catch up. I am HOPING that by the end of this coming weekend, I will be caught up enough to go back to a more normal routine. I hope so, cuz this woman is weary.

I have been struggling to accept the holiday season this year because I really, really miss my mom. This is my first Christmas without her and she loved this holiday. She was supposed to be with us last Christmas--I'd already bought her ticket, but she didn't think she could make it after all and so we cancelled. I will always wonder what would have happened if she had come anyway. She went into the hospital on New Year's Eve and died two weeks later. Would she have gotten sick if she had been out here instead? It's one of those what if's that you will never know the answer to. She called me the night that they took into Intensive Care. She had the nurse call. I was in bed with a terrible case of the stomach flu at the time. I was half asleep when she called and tried to rally fast to talk to her. She told me she loved me and was blessed to be my mom. I think she knew . . . and I felt wholly inadequate in how to respond. I told her I loved her and how lucky I had been to have her as my mom and then the nurse told her she had to stop talking. They had but an oxygen mask on her and I told the nurse to tell my mom how relieved we all were that they found one to fit over her nose. You see, that was a nose joke--we told nose jokes about my mom all of her life. It was a family favorite. I heard her laugh and the nurse said she grinned and slapped her. I like knowing that I made her smile then. It just makes me cry now. Ironic, eh?

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I am still around, just limited on time. Let's hope that changes by next week. Think good thoughts for me.


Melanie said...

What a nice tribute to your mom.

This is a tough time of year for many of us, and there are always those what-if's. Know that you're not alone in missing your mom, I'm missing my MIL who was most dear to me. I carry you gently in my heart today.

Gary & Bev said...

You are in my thoughts, Sweetie. Your mom was someone special. I truly enjoyed who she was. She 'minds me of you.