Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Wife Needs Advice

Okay wifely people, I need to hear your opinions on this one.

I adore my hubby. I think he is one of the finest people on the planet. He is my friend, my life partner, my lover, my mate, my chauffeur, my confidant. I really am so lucky to have him walking beside me through life.

That aside . . . . my husband has a beard. Now, this is a good thing . . . I like facial hair and every serious relationship I ever had with a guy, the guy had a beard. I find it very attractive and masculine. I wouldn't ever want my hubby to shave his beard (although having never seen him without one, I must admit to curiosity as to what he would look like).

However. . . I like a short, neat beard. I think long beards look best on Santa, primitive mountain men and grandfathers who are also widowers. I just don't find them attractive. For 26 years, my hubby's beard has been short and neat. Over the years, the brown has turned to gray and it looks nice--distinguished. However, in recent months, he has decided to let it grow out. It is already down to his chest and . . . . I really, really don't like it. I mean, he is so good looking that there is nothing he could do to NOT be, but . . . I think he looks way better with it trimmed. To me the long beard symbolizes . . . old instead of sexy. Fatherly instead of lover-ly. :)

He knows this. I haven't been subtle about it. In the past, whenever I mentioned it was getting long, within a day or so he would trim it. It always made me smile because I liked it that he cared about my opinion and preferences. Just like I stopped dying my hair or getting it styled years ago because he liked it that way. (I like it too now, although it took some time. Years and dollars in salons take a while to get over.) It is important to me that when he looks at me, he likes what he sees. If he wanted me to do something that I was violently opposed to, I wouldn't do it because, ultimately, it is my opinion that counts most in my appearance, but otherwise, if he has a preference, I try to meet it. Over the years, our preferences have almost always been similiar, so it has not been too hard to follow.

Until now.
I don't like the beard.
I don't like it that he knows this and doesn't change.
I don't like it that the issue upsets me.
I don't know what to do.
So, you wives out there (or heck, husbands or whatever!), can you share some advice? What would you suggest? Learn to live with the beard anyway? Overlook it? Am I just being too demanding?
Thanks. Guidance is appreciated.


Anonymous said...

I'm with you on the facial hair thing. I've always found hairy guys to be very attractive, whether it's facial or body hair. I draw the line at back hair, though.

A few thoughts. The two of you have had a pretty mutually-respectful relationship all these years, and now he's doing something different, you've expressed a dislike for it, and he's apparently turning a deaf ear to you, and... that hurts your feelings.

So, maybe it's time to ask him what it's doing for him. Maybe he's always admired the guys from ZZ Top, and figures you only live once, he's not getting any younger, so let's see how people react when he looks like a rock star. Maybe he's going for the older wizened look. Has he taken to wearing suspenders and one of those straw hats like the Amish guys wear? Maybe he just wants to see how long a beard he can grow, kind of like his own personal best, and it's really important to him, but he doesn't want to admit that to you because he thinks it's silly. He's not too old to be having a mid-life crisis, of sorts. Perhaps if you can find out why this is important to him, you can also be more supportive of this need until he's gotten it out of his system, assuming that it's a short-lived thing.

Otherwise, the other thing that it is doing to your relationship is creating a barrier between you. You've told him that the long beard is decidedly UNSEXY to you, and it persists, which indicates that there's more than a beard coming between you. It could be that things aren't what they used to be romance-wise, and he feels bad about the changes that for most guys are just a natural part of aging (It's true of women, too.)

I hope you and he can have an honest discussion about how this is affecting your relationship.

Anonymous said...

Use it as a handle. You can lead him along anywhere you like - even to the barbershop!
If he doesn't get the hint, wait until he's sleeping ;)

Ami said...

I don't like facial hair. That's why I pluck mine.


I don't particularly like it on men, either, except for the three-day growth which originated with Don Johnson on Miami Vice. (coincidentally, my grandfather's name was Don Johnson.)

I think you should print out the comment from Anonymous and give it to your man.

Gary & Bev said...

I really like what Anonymous said. It is obviously important to DH, so now it's time you found out why. That will help you support him in his decision-wait him out-whatever it takes. But definitely talk to him.