Friday, March 13, 2009

Where is Seratonin when you Need it?

This is what I have too much of:

Worry--about income for the next few months thanks to our economy.
Depression--after four weeks of being very sick, followed by a period and a husband whom I adore but is making my life too challenging.
Fatigue--I haven't slept an entire night through in more than a month. Someone keeps coughing or getting up or needing to talk to me or something.
Sadness--a close friend of mine just told me his daughter died sometime ago (complicated story) and I am still in shock. Plus, I miss my mom more than ever.
Depression--have I already mentioned that one?

This is what I need:

FUN! I need fun. I need to just laugh and go hang out somewhere and not worry that I am spending too much money or we are coughing too much or if I get hungry but J isn't eating and what the hell fun is it to hang out at a coffee shop with a person drinking hot water with lemon?! Tell me how to enjoy half an apple fritter like that. Tell me how, after working SO HARD to lose these 20 lbs. my husband lost that and more in three weeks juice fasting and I feel blindingly jealous and stupidly immature about it? It is literally melting off of him and here I am, at the end of the day, totalling up what I ate and questioning if it was too much. ARGH.

Yes, Tami is in a crappy mood. Too much on my shoulders.
And I know where a lot of it is coming from. See. I have a very affectionate, loving relationship with my husband. And for four weeks, because he has been sick and fasting and such, I basically don't get touched. We snuggle sometimes in bed but it's brief before he is either coughing or moving away. Skin hunger apparently makes me bitchy. Not getting kissed makes me grumpy. Of course, PMS doesn't HELP anything. When does it?

Contrast this with my daughter having the most romantic relationship of her life and I am . . . what? Jealous? No, not of HIM. I think he is a doll (hi Jon) and great for her. I love watching the two of them. But right now . . . . it's tough. I love my hubby but there is this huge chasm between us right now and it's really lonely over on my side.

Enough of that crap.
Send happy thoughts, peeps.


Anonymous said...

I just stumbled upon your blog. Sending you lots of positivity!!!

By the way, Serotonin has become my best friend now that my naturepath has traced most, if not all, of my chronic illnesses to the lack of it. Two sprays a day of megadoses for the last 6 months has made me a MUCH better person.

Hoping the plague leaves your home soon.

PS The check will be in the mail tomorrow. Honest. :)

Anonymous said...

Hey darlin',
I understand your plight. Josh leaves for two days out of every week and it gets lonely when he's not here.
As for fun...well, Josh says online flirting is not really cheating - fat lot of help THAT is.

What if you and J went back to those times when you were first dating and neither one of you had a lot of money? Walks in the park together, feeding small invasive species with day old bread, laugh at teenage fashion while sipping juice, and last, but not least, pretend to be a homeless couple in need of cash under the bridge or off the MAX line - the family that begs together stays together!

Lori said...

Here's a funny story to cheer you up.

I went to a conference last weekend and one of the speakers was from Port Sulphur, Louisiana, which got pounded by Hurricane Katrina. He said that his brother went down after the storm to check on their family home and when he called to report what he'd found he said he had good news and bad news. The speaker said he asked for the good news first. His brother said, "You know how we used to have just one house on our lot? Now we have three!" The bad news? "None of them is ours."

Hurricane humor. :-)

Feel better soon!

Ali said...

I've been way behind on blog reading as well as posting, these past few weeks. I'm glad you guys are on the mend but sometimes the post-sickness blues are worse, emotionally, than the sickness itself. How's everyone doing now?