This is what I have too much of:
Worry--about income for the next few months thanks to our economy.
Depression--after four weeks of being very sick, followed by a period and a husband whom I adore but is making my life too challenging.
Fatigue--I haven't slept an entire night through in more than a month. Someone keeps coughing or getting up or needing to talk to me or something.
Sadness--a close friend of mine just told me his daughter died sometime ago (complicated story) and I am still in shock. Plus, I miss my mom more than ever.
Depression--have I already mentioned that one?
This is what I need:
FUN! I need fun. I need to just laugh and go hang out somewhere and not worry that I am spending too much money or we are coughing too much or if I get hungry but J isn't eating and what the hell fun is it to hang out at a coffee shop with a person drinking hot water with lemon?! Tell me how to enjoy half an apple fritter like that. Tell me how, after working SO HARD to lose these 20 lbs. my husband lost that and more in three weeks juice fasting and I feel blindingly jealous and stupidly immature about it? It is literally melting off of him and here I am, at the end of the day, totalling up what I ate and questioning if it was too much. ARGH.
Yes, Tami is in a crappy mood. Too much on my shoulders.
And I know where a lot of it is coming from. See. I have a very affectionate, loving relationship with my husband. And for four weeks, because he has been sick and fasting and such, I basically don't get touched. We snuggle sometimes in bed but it's brief before he is either coughing or moving away. Skin hunger apparently makes me bitchy. Not getting kissed makes me grumpy. Of course, PMS doesn't HELP anything. When does it?
Contrast this with my daughter having the most romantic relationship of her life and I am . . . what? Jealous? No, not of HIM. I think he is a doll (hi Jon) and great for her. I love watching the two of them. But right now . . . . it's tough. I love my hubby but there is this huge chasm between us right now and it's really lonely over on my side.
Enough of that crap.
Send happy thoughts, peeps.