A friend of mine posted today that teenagers can be miserable, and while I know what she means on a logical level, I have to say, mine are not. My two teenage sons are wonderful, delightful, tender, compassionate, intelligent, funny as hell people. A few days ago, my 16 year old was looking at me and I said, What's up? He said, you guys are just wonderful parents. I really don't take the time to notice it but you are. You love us so much and make us feel safe.
Heady praise, eh?
Just now, my 19 yr old looked at me and said, You are an amazing friend to people, Mom. Thanks for teaching us that with your example.
I know that teens have a reputation in today's culture for being temperamental, and confused, and grouchy, and moody . . . and sometimes they are, but then, sometimes I am too. Teenage years are so tough. They aren't children anymore and yet they aren't really adults either. They live in limbo, dealing with changing viewpoints on life, hormones, a pressure to make decisions about the future, hormones, complicated relationships with friends, hormones, and trying to find their place in the world--plus hormones. I am surprised they don't go insane actually.
As their mom, I try to balance listening with guiding, loving with advising, and empathizing with nudging. And never, not once, have I thought these young people in my house were miserable. I just love, love, love them and provide a willing ear, open arms, and usually a wise ass comment. So far, so good.
3 comments:
My teenager(s) weren't miserable or difficult or scary either.
I feel sorry for families that have that 'teen rift' in the middle of them. I hope that person's family heals.
It's worse when it doesn't ever heal, when the selfish, headstrong thing that most teens can become never recovers who he or she used to be and just turns into a run of the mill adult asshole/narcissistic jerk.
One or two of those in my family, actually. They either have decided not to be part of the family over some imagined slights in the DISTANT past and are too fucking stupid to analyze their own part in it, or they ARE part of the family and constantly try to make everyone around them miserable by treating them like shit at family gatherings etc.
I always feel bad for the moms and dads and siblings who end up with a kid like that.
Sometimes I want to shake one of those relatives and ask him, "Are you just stupid? Mentally ill? WTF????"
No matter what age my boys were, someone would invariably say, just wait til they are x years old, that'll be really awful! and it never was. I have told many new moms not to believe all the horror stories.
No higher praise than that. How fortunate you are to get that kind of feedback from your son.
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