Bum Nuts and Nutty Bums

Gosh, there's a title you just don't see every day, right?

So, the "bum nut" part of the title is referring to my youngest son, who, Sunday afternoon reported quietly to me that not everything "down there" felt right. It was sore, swollen and heavy feeling. I am sure I am not the only mother in the world whose first thought when children mention pain is to think dire thoughts. I asked a few questions and then asked Joseph to . . . . well . . . . check it out. He did and said yes, there was something odd there. (I almost said "amiss" but that just seemed like too cheap a pun). We asked our son to keep us up to date on what happened . . . hurt more or less? swelling change? urine changes? etc. In the meantime, I made an appointment at the doctor for him. Oh yeah. And we started calling him "Bum Nut".

Every chance we got.

And we got LOTS of chances, believe me.

Now, our son is almost 15 and the only one to have touched those balls of his are himself, me years ago when diapers were still being changed, a male doctor when our son was going in for hernia surgery almost eight years ago and of course, now his father. (Child Services paying attention here?!) I wasn't sure how he would handle a female doctor checking him out . . . .but you know, he was mature and calm and great about it. He didn't even blush and conducted himself like the young adult we all know and love. The doctor reported that the mass she felt was not in the testicle itself, which was good news. She ordered an ultrasound to be on the safe side but isn't too concerned. Affording an ultrasound will take a while for us, but we will keep it in mind as we also keep close tabs on how that Bum Nut is doing. The swelling is much less than it was and all pain is gone.

As for Nutty Bums . . . .I'd like to call them something else but was trying to be (1) clever and (2) politically correct. The people I am referring to were a family in Subway that just made me so sad. A mom. Three littles ones, about 12, 9 and 6. Everyone just being so MEAN to each other. Yelling, sniping, teasing, insulting, punishing. It made me feel sick. As I was waiting to be picked up and watching this family in horror, I was texting with one child who was on a bus to meet friends and chatting with another who just experimented with running at the track. The third one, you remember him--Bum Nut--was at home. :) And all I could think was that there was more anger and bitterness and tragedy in that family in ten minutes than our family has ever experienced.

Yes, even with the Bum Nut.

I felt grateful and blessed and took a moment to call the kids and tell them how much they were loved. They immediately asked, OK, what mother is being mean to her kids in front of you? How well they know me. I explained and they all commiserated with my sadness.

Even the kid with the Bum Nut.

Empowerment Strikes

Last night I had an unusual experience that has really stayed with me.

During the day, I went to Sandy with Nicole and after lunch and she headed to her play, I walked around town a little. I don't spend much time alone so this was unusual . . . but really nice. And walking felt easy. That was a new feeling for me. I've had hip issues for months now and usually walking exhausts me. But the sun was out and I felt great. Then, later that night,

I went to a gathering of J's friends at the Lucky Lab, a brew pub. It was mostly guys and although I smiled and politely responded on the rare occasion one of them spoke to me, I primarily texted with Nicole and read a magazine. We have not eaten out much AT all since this diet started and being in a familiar restaurant where I often got sandwiches and pizza was not easy. I was worried I would really struggle and end up emotionally wrecked.

But . . .a strange thing happened. First, I ordered a pulled pork sandwich. I took off the bread and gave away the chips and just ate the meat. I checked. Feeling resentful? No. Feeling deprived? No. Feeling hungry still? Yes. (When you take off all of the other stuff, you're not left with much actual food.)

So I went back up and ordered a caesar salad. Took off all of the croutons. Ate it. Delicious! I drank my UNsweetened tea. Didn't mind it a bit.

As I walked to the bathroom and back . . . wearing a pair of jeans I have NEVER worn because they were too small from the day I first bought them . . . I felt. . . I know that this word is WAY overused in today's world but it fits best . . . . empowered! I felt strong and confident and happy. It was a really really good moment.

The moment stayed with me today as I ran around taking Nicole where she needed to go. When we stopped in a coffee shop and J shocked me by buying one of the all time favorite cookies on the planet, I had two bites. It tasted wonderful but I didn't want anymore. When we took pizza to the boys (who were sure they had died and gone to heaven), I had one bite because it was pushed into my face, but that was it. I'm thrilled not that I didn't have it but because I didn't WANT it.

So, today I decided to capitalize on that empowerment and I dusted off my sneakers (under two years worth of dust!), put on sweat pants, t-shirt and sweatshirt and earphones and borrowed my son's iPod and then I walked over to the nearby high school track. I walked a mile (four laps) while listening to "Glee" songs and mouthing the lyrics.

I know that doesn't sound like much but six months ago, walking up and down the stairs more than once or twice was difficult, so this really WAS a big deal. Poor J called me on the cell phone to check on me . . . .and had me check BP as soon as I got back (125/70 baby!). I jumped in the shower and although I am tired and I have a suspicion that I may moan and groan when crawling out of bed tomorrow, I really feel good about me.

I guess you could say, I feel . . .. empowered. Go, Tami.

Stalled in Gresham

Hey everyone. Long time, no write, I know. Partly I've been busy doing other writing (the kind I get paid for) and catching up on letters (the kind I enjoy the most), but excuses, excuses. The honest truth is is not much is going on.

Nicole went on two job interviews this week. Both were lousy. She has a much more promising one today and yesterday, she went to a summer job fair that has her excited about finding a job in Alaska with a cruise line. If I've never known ambivalence before, I do now. Excited and thrilled at her potential opportunities and distraught and depressed about her being so far away.

The diet continues . . . almost two months now and I have totally stalled out on weight loss at 23 lbs. Grrrrrr. I need the feedback of stepping on the scale and being able to push that little knob to the left, even if it is only a few ounces. I have, however, gotten rid of more than half of my jeans because they are too big. :) I will hang in there, but am still using willpower on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. My blood pressure continues to surprise me by staying normal despite very very little medication. A definite perk to this way of eating.

I am grateful that it is March and that spring is teasing us with possibilities here and there. I am so ready for the sun and warmth to return. Spring means my sons turn 18 and 15, which seems impossible. Caspian is on the edge of launching, looking into volunteering all summer at an organic farm up on Mt. Hood. Coryn is looking up college classes and lurking on web sites in hopes of connecting with some of the other teens in the area. I love how much freedom they have to explore their interests and discover who they are and what they want to do with life. I simply cannot imagine how they would be if they had to deal with grades and teachers and peer pressures all day, every day. Homeschooling was, unquestionably, the best decision we ever made as parents. Our amazing children are all the proof we need. They are happy, smart, curious, compassionate, loving and FUN.

Work is . . . . I don't know . . . work? It still is nowhere near being as strong as a few years ago. New projects do come in but far too slowly to make me comfortable. The truth is . . . I don't want to put in the long hours I have to when the projects do come tumbling in. I'm almost 52 and aware that my drive and ambition are just not what they were ten years ago.

Other news . . . hmm. . . .not much, hence the lack of posting. I have been watching some new TV series with the family (another perk . . . we all spend the evening together watching something and discussing it). Latest discoveries include "The United States of Tara" and "Supernatural". Oh and we are re-enjoying "Jericho". Great series that, like "Firefly", should never have been cancelled. We are "Glee" fans too . . . well, Nicole, Coryn and I are . . . . Joseph walks in and out and Caspian just runs the other way.

That's it from the Orr camp. Tune in again soon and I hope to not take so long to return. And that the STALL has ended.

Of Stones and Geese

Yesterday was an odd day. It started out with Nicole and I being the only ones up--the boys were still sleeping and J was taking a nap. We decided to watch a musical and since she had never seen "The Sound of Music" (yes, I know, shocking . . . . what kind of homeschooler am I, really???!), we put it on. I noticed my back hurt. It hurt more. It kept hurting more. Now I was having trouble concentrating on the movie. I got up and moved around. Began to pace. Then, WHAM. I knew what was happening. It was a kidney stone! How could I have possibly forgotten the hideous pain from last October? It was just like that and honestly, I wasn't sure if I was up to handling that again. I wasn't about to go to the hospital either since they tested me, said yes, it's a kidney stone, gave me pain meds and sent me home . . . . all for a MERE $5,000!

So I paced and got really nauseous and talked to J and called a couple of doctors . . and then the pain shifted from my back/side to my urethra/ureter and WHOO, a hot poker sensation where one should never, ever, ever go. I said, I bet this means it is moving from the kidney to the bladder . . . . so hang on, Tami. Breathe, walk, breathe and it will end soon.

It did. It took about 90 minutes from start to finish. By the time the doctors called back, I was asleep on the couch (it is an exhausting experience, believe me). Now, I'm back to fine and I didn't incur another medical expense. Win-win. But . . I'm done now. No more of those, ok? Thanks.

So, this has WHAT to do with geese, you ask? Well . . . nothing. I just happened to go out to the mailbox to put my outgoing mail in it and stopped to watch some geese flying by. I was inspired to actually write about it, so here it is. Today's poetry assignment. Let me know what you think of it.

A gap of robin's blue forces through

Separating white and gray twins

An overdue promise of warmer days.

Like a black bracket against the clouds

The geese streak overhead

Chattering as if sharing directions and

Laughing at the barefooted woman below

Watching their flight with chilly toes

And longing for spring's return.

Okay, it isn't Dickinson or Browning, but ain't bad!

Dietary Discoveries

So, the diet continues. It has been five weeks. Here are ten things I have discovered recently:

1. Getting weighed can be exciting, instead of depressing and embarassing.

2. My tastes are changing.

3. I have more willpower than I ever knew.

4. My BP is going so low that if I take my full meds, I damn near collapse. My BP went down to 90/40 and my pulse was 44 bpm. That was a little scary. I've been adjusting dosages ever since then to keep it between 110/70 and 130/90. Not easy.

5. Snacking moments are the hardest. I deal with meals okay but when I want a nap and all I can reach for is fruit or vegetables, I get bitchy.

6. I like getting rid of jeans because they are too large.

7. I cannot, cannot, cannot get warm. I am cold all the time and have taken to wearing sweaters and (gasp) socks.

8. I still can't let J in the bathroom with me when I get weighed. Why is the actual NUMBER that important? Not a clue . .. . but it is.

9. I still miss coffee runs as much as I did. Not for the coffee, although YEA I MISS COFFEE, but because of the fun we had on them. I miss finding quaint restaurants on the way home and stopping. I miss the unexpected stop at a neat store that usually involved grabbing a cookie or a hot mocha.

10. I am absolutely bull-headed, determined to keep on this diet because of all the good feelings, the dropping BP, the weight loss but I hope it keeps getting easier. I have willpower but I get tired of having to use it so often.

Oh, and in case you're back to sleepless nights because you want to know how much weight I've lost so far, in 32 days, I've dropped 21.5 pounds. Go me.

"Sunrise, Sunset" is my Background Theme

My children are growing up.
Yea, I know. BIG surprise. Happens to the best of us. But sometimes, it seems like they do it all at once, you know?

This week Nicole stars in a new play at the Sandy Actor's Theatre . . . and then heads out of town for five days to stay with a friend in southern Oregon. She will be going to Indiana in May and then . . . well, we're not sure where next but it will be exciting. She also interviews for a neat new job this weekend (cross your fingers for her!).

This afternoon, Caspian is off to his first official interview. He is hoping to go WWOOFing this summer (working on an organic farm) and is meeting with the owners today to see if they think he is a good fit. If they choose him, he will be gone a good deal of the summer. He will only be about 90 minutes away, but still. . ... much further than just down the hall.

Tomorrow I am paying the deposit for Coryn to go to Not Back to School Camp this summer. He will be gone for two weeks this time. He is already counting the days.

I know that many parents yearn for a time when the kids are gone, but not me. My kids are my best friends (along with my hubby). I love their company. They make me laugh and all three give the most amazingly wonderful hugs in the world. I know that their ability to leave and experience and find adventure means Joseph and I did things right, but gosh, I will miss these creatures. They are such incredible people, so different from each other but still utterly charming. (Shhhhh. I know I'm prejudiced. It's a mother's right.)

So please put up with me as I sniffle to the lyrics of "Sunrise, Sunset" playing in the background. I know that I will love my time alone with my hubby, but gosh, it is gonna be QUIET. Let's hope eventually that will be filled up with grandchildren, eh?

Gosh, I'm so PURE (snicker)

All righty gang. Let's hear it for Tami. For 23 days now, she has been sugar free, dairy free, wheat free, alcohol free and (shudder) coffee free. I'd love to tell you that makes me vice free, but alas, I still collect too many books and too much paper and still swear on a regular basis and don't even attempt to keep up on housework, so NOPE, no chance of being vice free.

Since I know you have been staying up nights frantically waiting for a report on how I am doing, here it is. My 23 day report.

The first week was AWFUL. Anger, resentment, bitterness, old feelings about dormant topics dredged up and brought back to light. Not a good time. Second week . . . resignation. Depression. Frustration. (I sound like the lyrics to an old Moody Blues song . . . . ) Now, third week. Surprising acceptance. Comfort. Even, dare I say it, appreciation? My BP is staying down and I am sleeping better with less pain. Best of all, every single day, my weight drops. 17 pounds in 23 days. Not too shabby. And my tastes are changing. I can actually drink tea without sweetening now and not shudder. My occasional burst of emotion because I can't eat a sandwich (the main thing I crave) is mitigated by digging down further in the jeans pile to the next size smaller (am I the only one out here who has four sizes of jeans in her closet?) and they actually fit--and I can still breathe. I feel . . . in control and while this ain't easy, I LOVE that feeling.

So, there you go. We've saved at least a billion dollars by not eating out and not going on daily coffee runs (which turned into coffee/donut/pastry/stop at a thrift store on the way home runs). We walked into Starbuck's today for the first time in 23 days and the staff stopped and said WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? (a sure sign you've been going there a lot). We got hot cups of tea, read our newspaper (mostly the comics) and came home. Go me.

Work is hanging in there. Money hasn't started to flow yet but it will. I'm in a better place than I was. On the other hand, I have two friends who could use your extra thoughts. One is facing her fourth surgery in about 18 months and she is way too nice a person to deserve this much pain. So send good thoughts her way. The other is a someone I don't know well but who recently confided in me that through a bizarre set of circumstances, she and her teenage daughter are homeless and desperate. My heart hurts for her as well and I am going to do what I can to help. I've already offered our couch and shower when needed.

So, give a little cheer for Tami's determination and now wish better luck for my friends. They deserve far better than what they are dealing with now.