Four of the five of us are back in the house! Caspian and Nicole have returned from their travels and meals are loud and noisy and funny and chaotic again. We are all counting the days (21!) until Coryn is back too and the family is back to "normal". (Never gonna happen.)
Both kids have spent their first few days unpacking, showing us stuff, telling us stories, and settling back in. Caspian has already applied for a job and is waiting to hear back, plus he has registered with the community college and will be taking the placement test soon.
Nicole is looking at different job options, trying to find something beyond being a barista. She would be great in management or administrative work. I am sure something will come along as it always has.
I honestly have lost track of how many times I have looked up to see the kids in the living room with me and just smiled. While I admit I have flashes of missing those quiet mornings that were just Joseph and I, when no one needed a pick up, drop off, meal, etc., I am cherishing these days. I know that the next time they leave, since they ARE 24 and 22, they probably won't be coming back again to stay. So I am going to enjoy these days of having an almost full house.
Okay Coryn! Your turn. Enjoy Bali and then get your butt back home.
Monday, June 8, 2015
Friday, May 22, 2015
Reverse! Adjust Again!
After all of March, April, and most of May, Joseph and I have become accustomed to--dare I even say--appreciative of--our time home alone. When we are hungry, we eat. When we want to go somewhere, we go. When we are ready for bed, we go. No one else's schedules, needs or preferences are involved because our house has been child free.
Now that is all changing.
In five days, Caspian will be home.
In 13 days, Nicole will be home.
In a month, Coryn will be home.
Am I glad? OH YES. How I have missed those hugs, the laughter, the nonstop conversation, the long talks, the crazy dinners, and the sound of their voices down the hall, but I admit to some sadness at the one on one time lost with Joseph. We grew to really love it. I suspect when the kids return, they will be flying in every direction searching for jobs, meeting with friends, and being social, so will not be home all the time by any means. But . . it's an adjustment. One we are happy to make--delighted to make--but not without a couple of twinges.
Now that is all changing.
In five days, Caspian will be home.
In 13 days, Nicole will be home.
In a month, Coryn will be home.
Am I glad? OH YES. How I have missed those hugs, the laughter, the nonstop conversation, the long talks, the crazy dinners, and the sound of their voices down the hall, but I admit to some sadness at the one on one time lost with Joseph. We grew to really love it. I suspect when the kids return, they will be flying in every direction searching for jobs, meeting with friends, and being social, so will not be home all the time by any means. But . . it's an adjustment. One we are happy to make--delighted to make--but not without a couple of twinges.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Glad NOT to be Psychic
Ever wanted to be able to tell what is going to happen in the future? I think we all have, but this time around, I am so glad I couldn't. I'm not sure I could have coped knowing what was ahead.
The pain I was feeling when I last posted was bad. I had no idea how bad it could get. Until this morning (Thursday), I was completely unable to walk. UNABLE. Gout spread throughout my foot and ankle and into my shin. It was like wearing a sock that broke your bones and set them on fire. Air blowing past hurt. I could not touch the foot. No covers could touch it. I had to keep it elevated at all times.
Trying to do ANYTHING on one foot--considering I was recovering from back surgery--was so hard, it was nigh impossible. Joseph had to wheel me to the bathroom and then I had to HOP and fall down on the toilet to pee. I was constantly on verge of throwing up from the pain levels. It was the worst pain of my lifetime. I had to use my arms and one leg (the BAD one, of course) to move at all. I started carrying a fever of 100 to 101 degrees. Honestly, at one point, I just cried and wanted to give up.I swore a lot. I held onto Joseph a lot. I took my meds and I took pain pills, which made me nauseous but I didn't want to eat. It was bad, people, really bad. It made the surgery recovery feel like a hangnail, honestly.
Today I am walking again, although slowly with two canes. The ankle feels like it is severely sprained, but at least the bones aren't grinding together. I'm so damn tired though. My muscles hurt because of how hard I used them. (TRY getting up and down with ONE foot. I'm astonished at how much we need TWO.) I've slept on the couch for two nights because the stairs were impossible. One night I crawled up them on my hands and knees--did you know that hurts your knees? I gave up after that.
Nowhere to go but up now, right? I've put in my pain dues for the next few years. Right? I guess if I was psychic, I would know the answer to that. eh? :)
The pain I was feeling when I last posted was bad. I had no idea how bad it could get. Until this morning (Thursday), I was completely unable to walk. UNABLE. Gout spread throughout my foot and ankle and into my shin. It was like wearing a sock that broke your bones and set them on fire. Air blowing past hurt. I could not touch the foot. No covers could touch it. I had to keep it elevated at all times.
Trying to do ANYTHING on one foot--considering I was recovering from back surgery--was so hard, it was nigh impossible. Joseph had to wheel me to the bathroom and then I had to HOP and fall down on the toilet to pee. I was constantly on verge of throwing up from the pain levels. It was the worst pain of my lifetime. I had to use my arms and one leg (the BAD one, of course) to move at all. I started carrying a fever of 100 to 101 degrees. Honestly, at one point, I just cried and wanted to give up.I swore a lot. I held onto Joseph a lot. I took my meds and I took pain pills, which made me nauseous but I didn't want to eat. It was bad, people, really bad. It made the surgery recovery feel like a hangnail, honestly.
Today I am walking again, although slowly with two canes. The ankle feels like it is severely sprained, but at least the bones aren't grinding together. I'm so damn tired though. My muscles hurt because of how hard I used them. (TRY getting up and down with ONE foot. I'm astonished at how much we need TWO.) I've slept on the couch for two nights because the stairs were impossible. One night I crawled up them on my hands and knees--did you know that hurts your knees? I gave up after that.
Nowhere to go but up now, right? I've put in my pain dues for the next few years. Right? I guess if I was psychic, I would know the answer to that. eh? :)
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
What in the World did I DO to Karma?
Its almost 3 a.m. and I am sitting here in tears because now I have (sigh) gout. I haven't had it since Christmas and I've been VERY good about taking the meds and not eating trigger foods like fish. It began yesterday and I denied it and denied it and tonight I am in so much pain, there is no denying it any longer. This time around, it has spread through the joints of my foot and ankle. Throw in the fact that the last two mornings I've woken with episodes of severe vertigo and . . . really? REALLY? The back surgery wasn't enough? I am so damn tired of waking up in pain, I can't tell you. I told J today that I have forgotten what it is like to just get out of the car and walk in somewhere. To just need something upstairs and get up, run up the stairs, get it and come back. To just MOVE without having to plan it first. Cane? Walker? Wheelchair? Crawl?
I figure this is just wish fulfillment, right? I said I would give almost anything for the pain in my back to just completely stop. So I got gout. It didn't stop the back pain but it's hard to focus on it when your foot is mashed, broken, bleeding, and crushed. (No, but that is what gout feels like.) Just feeling sour and lonely right now. Kids are far away and J is sleeping. I have the dog--who is snoring. Yay.
It will get better. It.will.get.better.IT.WILL.GET.BETTER.
If you hear a muttering, that's just me reminding myself that it will get better. But if you know how to get karma (which I don't believe in) to back off, let me know.
I figure this is just wish fulfillment, right? I said I would give almost anything for the pain in my back to just completely stop. So I got gout. It didn't stop the back pain but it's hard to focus on it when your foot is mashed, broken, bleeding, and crushed. (No, but that is what gout feels like.) Just feeling sour and lonely right now. Kids are far away and J is sleeping. I have the dog--who is snoring. Yay.
It will get better. It.will.get.better.IT.WILL.GET.BETTER.
If you hear a muttering, that's just me reminding myself that it will get better. But if you know how to get karma (which I don't believe in) to back off, let me know.
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
A Much Better Place
Wow, what a few weeks. So . . highlights since I last posted.
My surgery on April 21 was cancelled. I was devastated. They could have told me SO differently. All it would have taken was, "we can't do the surgery at the surgery center because of your elevated blood sugar, BUT we can do it at the hospital in the next day or so." Instead, they just said we can't do the surgery today and will get you rescheduled. I walked out to the car and just cried. I cried all day. That night, got a phone call--can you come in tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. for the surgery? Yes, I was confused but not about to argue.
So . . . I had the surgery. Lots of details there, but bottom line, it went fine. Nurses were wonderful. Throwing up wasn't. They ended up keeping me overnight because of the blood sugar levels. My handsome hubby spent the night next to me, and we were both reminded--at 12:30, 2:30, 4:30 and 6:30, why no one actually rests in the hospital. I got to come home the next day.
Since then, I'm healing up. I took two full weeks off and I am using them to nap, read, write letters, watch movies, check blood sugar and blood pressure levels, and repeat. Today is my follow up appointment.
Do my back and legs feel better than before surgery? No doubt about it. Not a single leg/foot/toe/ankle cramp since I had it done. Muscles still twitching but I am guessing that is a separate issue. Nice super glued scar on my back. I will know more of how much original pain is GONE when this pain is gone. Right now I can't get through the day without pain pills yet.
I have a week of recovery time left and one of those days (Sunday) is my birthday. My hope is that I feel well enough to go out and do something fun. So far, my biggest foray out of the house has been to get a cup of coffee or go to the bank. Goodwill might send out a rescue party soon since I am sure they think I have been kidnapped by now.
Thanks for checking in, for sending cards and saying prayers and holding me close in your hearts. I know every bit of that has helped the recovery process. Stay tuned.
My surgery on April 21 was cancelled. I was devastated. They could have told me SO differently. All it would have taken was, "we can't do the surgery at the surgery center because of your elevated blood sugar, BUT we can do it at the hospital in the next day or so." Instead, they just said we can't do the surgery today and will get you rescheduled. I walked out to the car and just cried. I cried all day. That night, got a phone call--can you come in tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. for the surgery? Yes, I was confused but not about to argue.
So . . . I had the surgery. Lots of details there, but bottom line, it went fine. Nurses were wonderful. Throwing up wasn't. They ended up keeping me overnight because of the blood sugar levels. My handsome hubby spent the night next to me, and we were both reminded--at 12:30, 2:30, 4:30 and 6:30, why no one actually rests in the hospital. I got to come home the next day.
Since then, I'm healing up. I took two full weeks off and I am using them to nap, read, write letters, watch movies, check blood sugar and blood pressure levels, and repeat. Today is my follow up appointment.
Do my back and legs feel better than before surgery? No doubt about it. Not a single leg/foot/toe/ankle cramp since I had it done. Muscles still twitching but I am guessing that is a separate issue. Nice super glued scar on my back. I will know more of how much original pain is GONE when this pain is gone. Right now I can't get through the day without pain pills yet.
I have a week of recovery time left and one of those days (Sunday) is my birthday. My hope is that I feel well enough to go out and do something fun. So far, my biggest foray out of the house has been to get a cup of coffee or go to the bank. Goodwill might send out a rescue party soon since I am sure they think I have been kidnapped by now.
Thanks for checking in, for sending cards and saying prayers and holding me close in your hearts. I know every bit of that has helped the recovery process. Stay tuned.
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
A Bad Place
Sorry folks. No humor here. No witty remarks or snickers. Honestly--I'm in a pretty bad place right now. I reported for surgery this morning and was told I was once again diabetic, so they couldn't do it. I've been on Atkins for six weeks, eating low carb and very healthy. I don't have a single sign of diabetes. I see my doctor tomorrow morning and am hopefully rescheduled for Friday for surgery. It will probably all work out, but honestly, right now I'm exhausted and defeated and sad and angry. I am not seeing the silver lining. I am not looking on the bright side. I am not ready to "buck up". Right now I am miserable and so damn tired. This battle has about done me in, and I'm tired of fighting. I wanna just put down my weapons and find the nearest blanket fort to hide in. Stay tuned. I promise the amusing me will be back.
Sunday, April 5, 2015
An Unwelcome Gust of Wind
I am scolding myself for putting up yet another complaint post. I mean, it can't be fun to keep coming back to check on me and see one more bitching post . . . and i am sorry. But then again, I reassure myself, this is MY blog and it is here for me to do just what I am doing . . . venting.
I compared myself today to a person walking on a tightrope. Thanks to skill, experience, and concentration, making it from one side to the other is highly possible. However, if an unexpected gust of wind comes along. . . known as any other kind of unexpected stressor, from work requirements to grouchy editors to troubled children to life complications . . . I can feel myself teetering and losing balance.
I have had a very sore left elbow for several days. Last night, it woke me up three times. Today, it is swollen and so very very sore. I am guessing either bursitis or gout, but suspect bursitis from the way it slowly crept up. Either way, the result is the same--it hurts. It hurts a LOT. It hurts to the touch. It hurts to bend my arm. It hurts to lift anything.It isn't an unbearable pain . . . sure, it often feels like someone is holding a lighter to my elbow, but compared to kidney stones, t'ain't nuthin.
But, when you add it to the daily leg, hip, back, ankle, foot pain . . . it just becomes too much. It is that slight gust of wind that makes my balance harder to maintain. It makes me cry. It makes me want to avoid work. It makes me angry. It turns me into a frustrated toddler, stamping her feet on the ground and yelling, BUT IT ISN'T FAIR.
The wind is not welcome right now. I have my emotional and psychological hands full with just coping and waiting for the doctor's call. Please . . . give the tightrope walker a break. Still those breezes and let it stay calm until I get all the way across to the other side. Then blow all the hell you want, because I will be out of the way and safe.
I compared myself today to a person walking on a tightrope. Thanks to skill, experience, and concentration, making it from one side to the other is highly possible. However, if an unexpected gust of wind comes along. . . known as any other kind of unexpected stressor, from work requirements to grouchy editors to troubled children to life complications . . . I can feel myself teetering and losing balance.
I have had a very sore left elbow for several days. Last night, it woke me up three times. Today, it is swollen and so very very sore. I am guessing either bursitis or gout, but suspect bursitis from the way it slowly crept up. Either way, the result is the same--it hurts. It hurts a LOT. It hurts to the touch. It hurts to bend my arm. It hurts to lift anything.It isn't an unbearable pain . . . sure, it often feels like someone is holding a lighter to my elbow, but compared to kidney stones, t'ain't nuthin.
But, when you add it to the daily leg, hip, back, ankle, foot pain . . . it just becomes too much. It is that slight gust of wind that makes my balance harder to maintain. It makes me cry. It makes me want to avoid work. It makes me angry. It turns me into a frustrated toddler, stamping her feet on the ground and yelling, BUT IT ISN'T FAIR.
The wind is not welcome right now. I have my emotional and psychological hands full with just coping and waiting for the doctor's call. Please . . . give the tightrope walker a break. Still those breezes and let it stay calm until I get all the way across to the other side. Then blow all the hell you want, because I will be out of the way and safe.
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