Thursday, February 19, 2015

I Want My Life Back

After jumping through countless hoops and making a ridiculous amount of phone calls, we finally got our insurance plan changed, and I got my appointment with the neurosurgeon set up. I see him next Tuesday.

Me being who I am, I have studied and researched a great deal, and I am pretty sure of what is going to happen when I see him. He is going to say you can go to physical therapy and/or get steroid shots into the spine. Neither one will cure anything. They will provide temporary relief. I want a cure. I want this back pain to go away and never, ever, come back. I am tired of not being able to stand long enough to take a shower. I am tired of having to sit in a wheelchair if I go shopping. I am tired of taking pain pills all day long. In the end--I am tired.

So if/when the doctor says surgery, chances are I will say PLEASE. I've read all about the procedures. I know the recovery time is pretty long and not without a significant amount of pain. I know it 's going to mean I will not be able to work like I usually do. But if it means I can walk around, bend, stand in line, and MOVE, I don't care.

Nicole, whenever you read this, you will need to prepare yourself for the fact that you will not likely be here if/when I have the surgery. Yes, I know how horribly difficult that will be for you, but I cannot wait until summer time, and I will NOT have you coming home early. You have jobs to go to, friends to see, places to visit, and a younger brother to host and somehow tolerate. :) Your dad will take wonderful care of me and I know we will talk often. I know you love me and this will be very difficult for you, but we've coped with worse, right?

I may go into the doctor's office next week and he will tell me surgery is not necessary. And if he can show me other ways to make the pain better, to be able to get dressed on my own, and blow dry my hair without sitting down, and not have 15 muscles spasms in my legs each night when I go to bed, then fine. Bring it on. But if surgery is the only solution, then I'm ready. Slice and dice me, baby. I want my life back.


caspian orr said...

As your son, I would like to not have you slice and diced alright?

WritingGoddess said...

I know what you're saying sweet boy, and I thank you. In the end, I just want the pain to stop and I am willing to be "sliced and diced" in order to do so.