Birthday Post, Part 2

I came downstairs and found a post it note on my monitor telling me to look at my keyboard.

"Step One," it read. "Look at the back door."
It had another note, which read, "Step Two, Look at where dad keeps the plates"

Sure enough, note three which stated, "Step Three, Go to the restroom and look at the mirror"

(And yes, it could have then said something wicked about see the old woman's reflection there, but it didn't.)

Post it note #4 read, "Step Four, go to where we keep the tea".

Number 5 stated, "Go to Nic's room and look at the back of Nic's door"

Number 6 read, "The last one. Step Six, look in the crock pot"

Inside the crock pot was the last note saying, "Happy Birthday Mom" and a beautiful necklace I had admired week's ago in a store.

This gift was from my son, Caspian. The one who hates to write wrote out those notes and taped them around the house. He touches my heart.

They all touch my heart.

Oh, and Nicole's gift to me . . .she bought it before she even went to Alaska. How is that for planning ahead? It was one plaque that reads, "Danger Mother at Work!" and another that describes that once we were just mother and daughter, but now we are blessed enough to also be friends. Both go in my office where I can see them every day

What I Want for my Birthday

Today is my birthday and I am 52. Already I've gotten several birthday cards (my favorite being the one next to my pillow this morning from my hubby with the world's sweetest note in it) and I was serenaded at 12:05 a.m. by two teenage boys, a husband and a daughter on speaker phone from Alaska. I received some most welcome chocolate from amimental (which I am rationing out to myself) and a wonderful box full of goodies in the mail from a friend in Texas.

Although I will work today, I will smile to myself, knowing it is a special day. And I will deeply appreciate every gesture, every note, every card I receive, knowing they were given to me with love. So, here is my brief indulgence in wishing . . . . The four things I wish I could have for my birthday this year are:

1. my mom and dad calling me to sing to me, usually off key but charming and heartfelt
2. Shayne sending me one of his amazing handmade, painted cards
3. Jasmine sitting at the kitchen table and sharing a piece of cake with us
4. Nicole hugging me when I come down the stairs this morning

For various reasons, I will not get these four things, but that's ok too. I had them once and I hold them all close in my heart, so they are still there.

Of course, a check in the mail so I can breathe a little easier would brighten the day as well :) but if not, we will deal with that too. And I will keep smiling because today is my special day.

18 and 15

Somehow birthdays just have the ability to make you aware of the time passing, don't they? Remember those pics I posted a few days ago with my grown up sons? Well these pics remind me of how they looked . . just a few days ago .. .

April 22, my son Caspian turned 18. EIGHTEEN. That simply seems impossible. He has been looking forward to it for ages because so many more opportunities open up at that age. In three weeks, he will leave to go to Zig Zag, a small town up on Mt. Hood, where he will spend a great deal of the summer living in a tent and building yurts and fences and a stage out on an organic farm with a group of other people. Why is it that I can help him get ready for this but whenever I look at him, I still see the white-haired toddler who loved to hide between the refridgerator and the stove?

And today, Coryn, the "baby" turned 15. FIFTEEN. Just . . . when? He is this tall, handsome young man like his brother (the two used to be asked if they were twins . . . now that they are almost adults, they are being asked again. They still bristle at the idea.) Yesterday I watched both of them helping friends move and lifting and carrying boxes and furniture and being MEN instead of my boys.

And just to enforce the idea of time passing, I turn 52 on Tuesday. Eeek. I swear I only feel 35 (on most days). When did those 50s sneak in there?

Ah well, they say time flies when you're having fun and if my years are going by this fast, then it simply means I having one wonderful life. That's a nice gift indeed.

It's Love

I realize that although I discuss the kids quite a bit here, I haven't talked much about the hubby lately. Today I've had extra reason to appreciate him. I was thinking how people can show that they love you in such quiet, subtle ways that mean everything.

Today we helped some friends of Nicole's move from one apartment to another. It was a lot of heavy lifting and going up and down stairs. Although I am wayyyyy better at that than I would have been six months ago before I lost weight (31 lbs so far) and lowered my BP, I'm still struggling a little thanks to a bum right wrist (Carpal tunnel) and some vertigo (nasty on stairs). My hubby kept passing me while he was in the midst of carrying couches and televisions and really heavy stuff and encouraging me to go rest and take it easy. When it came time to eat, he made his way through the crowd around the table and got me a chair. Brought me a glass of water without my asking. Gave me frequent kisses (and yeah, a few gropes). Asked repeatedly if I was doing all right.

All of that comes down to one thing . . . he loves me. I see that in his every gesture and I am so grateful for it. In his eyes, I truly am a beautiful, sexy, wonderful woman and it is a blessing to have someone see you that way. I have a good friend whose husband turns on the electric blanket when she is on the way home from work so the bed is toasty when she crawls in later. That is love. It is the love that lasts through the normal ups and downs of the relationship and the daily grind of life. It is the love that makes you look across the room and, just for a moment, forget about the fact that your back hurts, your bills exceed your income, the house needs a new roof and you aren't sure how to meet the needs of everyone else in the family, and smile at your partner because you know you're both very lucky people.

It's love. And wow, am I lucky to be one of those people.

Who Needs E-Harmony when you have Alaska?

I'm long married and very, very happily so, but I have some advice for you if you're single and female. Get thee to Alaska, girlfriend. The men there are waiting for you!

Nicole has been in Anchorage for only a few days and is already a big hit with the men. She has been hit on more in four days than she was in Portland in four years. She keeps calling me to report in the latest compliment, pass, come on and offer. We had been told the ratio of men to women there was 50 to 1 and apparently that isn't an exaggeration. Between the fact that she is damn cute, her red hair and wild wardrobe have resulted in people stopping her on the street to tell her how great she looks. Snicker. What fun this summer is going to be for our girl.

As for me? I am managing to de-stress fairly well, thanks to IMing, texting, emailing, calling and writing. I can't reach out and hug her but we still laugh and make inside jokes and even watch the same TV episodes long distance and comment. And my, how her adventures are keeping us all entertained. She goes for training on Monday, if she isn't carried off by some Alaskan harem by then.

Other aspects of life are going fine. Work is worrying me a little because I haven't gotten many jobs for the rest of the spring and early summer, but I have hopes that it will pick up and in the meantime, I'm reading the want ads for just the right receptionist/front desk job.

Our spring is taking forever in Portland. We are making records left and right for the wettest, coldest months in years. Damn. I need sunshine. I need warmth. If you've got a little extra where you live, send it this way would you? I'd be happy to send you a thank you note in return. Or a wedding invitation if this girl gets any more popular in the Great North . . . .

Tami's De-Stress Techniques, Part 1

Yes, part one because I suspect I will be searching for many of these coping techniques in the five months to come.

So, here are a half dozen of my so-far discovered stress reducers:

1. Sit out in the sunshine and soak it up.

2. Write a long, long, long letter to the person you miss because it is a little like talking to her.

3. Take a hard walk on the track and go an extra lap to burn off some of that tension.

4. Hang out with your two sons who are bending over backwards to fill in that gaping hole in mom's heart.

5. Eat half a cookie . . . enough to enjoy the taste of it and not enough to feel guilty about eating it. Give the other half to a constantly hungry teenage son.

6. Appreciate the friends who have reached out to you to let you know they love and care and know what you are going through right now.

And yes, before anyone mentions it, I know there are some other fun, sweat inducing, grab your favorite partner, doe-see-doe ways of reducing stress and they will certainly be on a future list. Right now, I'm just working on finding some inner peace and calm. The other stuff will come later. (Do what you want with that pun.)

Stressing

Today was a tough, tough, tough day.

I didn't sleep well, knowing that Nicole was leaving. We got up and went to get the rental car we had reserved. When we got there, we realized that NO WAY would three young adults fit in the back seat. To move up to the mini-van would almost triple the cost.

We decided to take our van and hope for the best.

We left and the ride was long but relatively stress free. We got to Bellingham with 90 minutes to kill before she boarded. That was one L O N G 90 minutes. We said our goodbyes and I lasted until she was on the deck, at which point I began to sob. That kept going for the next hour. Or more. the hugs her brothers and father gave her were so tender. The love all three men gave me afterwards was also. Caspian had to share his 18th birthday with his day and did so absolutely selflessly.

The trip home was long, long, long. I cried multiple times. We forgot to get our gas money from Nicole and came home on fumes. The constant worry over the van, and money and missing Nicole made for a rough time of it.

While we were gone, I was called by a woman upset with me for not paying an invoice I had received just the night before at 10 pm. I had no idea it was due immediately. She wanted me to, literally, stop my trip to Washington, find an Internet connection, and pay it. I was completely shocked as this was never mentioned when I had the computer repair done the afternoon before. I came home and emailed an apology, saying I was sorry about the misunderstanding and let's just say, the apology wasn't accepted and only seemed to accelerate the problem. This kind of disagreement makes my unbearably uncomfortable, but when you add everything else that is going on in my life to it, I am a basket case. And guess what? My computer isn't working again. Sigh.

My sons received birthday money in the mail today. Without a word, they handed all of it over to me to help the money crunch. That made me cry again. Good kids, these boys of mine.

I am so worn out, I am not sure I can get from the computer to the bed. I'm going to try though. Please send good thoughts my way because this woman is stressed out.

Nite.