Why in the world can I not be as sleepy at midnight as I am in the middle of the afternoon? I battle sleepiness all afternoon, and then, when I crawl into bed, I am wide awake. I suspect that is mostly because I am more aware of pain then. It is so hard to get comfortable and I toss and turn and finally, I say screw it and up I get. So it's one a.m. and I am downstairs hoping to get sleepy.
Joseph and I are on day five of a "diet" and it's going better than ever in my life. I am actually LOVING the food I am eating and getting total satisfaction from it, which is just weird. Usually I struggle, remain hungry, and don't like most of the recipes. I don't know what is different this time around, but I sure am grateful. It makes sticking to it SO much easier. Now if the pain would just go AWAY.
Life is pretty good otherwise. Work is good, the kids are doing well in their faraway adventures, Joseph is happy. I am trying hard to be patient and wait for that doctor's appointment but wow, it isn't easy. The days just don't go quickly enough, plus I am scared that I will walk out without answers, since that is what happened with doctors 1 and 2. I feel like I will have to be a bitch to get them to LISTEN to me, and I am willing to do that if required. I just want him to take my hand, recommend what I can do to make this pain STOP, and then do it, or at least schedule to do it. The relief would be incredible.
So, back to bed in a few. A warm, welcoming husband is sleeping away there, barely aware I even left the bed. I hope curling up around him will make the rest of the world--and my body--just fade away.